Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi, I'm Adam, I'm 27, and I'm autistic. I've been single for my entire life because women don't seem to be interested in me. I have no idea why, I'm reasonably attractive. My first attempt at getting a girlfriend was a complete disaster because I ended up getting banned from a building and the woman never wants to see me again. This has put me into a vicious cycle of depression and anxiety. I'm scared to even approach a woman now, for fear that history might repeat itself. When I do finally pluck up the courage to ask a woman out, some of them say they have boyfriends, others say they're happy being single, so I can't win.
I currently have a crush on a work colleague but I can't pluck up the courage to say anything to her. Sometimes her body language and facial expressions can be quite off putting. I hope she doesn't think I'm a creep. Sometimes she looks around to see if I'm looking in her direction. We occasionally lock eyes with each other, but one of us ends up looking away. Sometimes it's her that looks away, other times it's me. I'm scared how she will react when I eventually make an approach. I know what I'm going to say, that's not the issue, it's just I don't want her reporting me to the management or anything of that nature. In the past people have reported me to the management when I didn't even do anything wrong. I don't see what's wrong with just asking someone out. They have the option to say yes or no. The management are aware that I'm autistic. I want to get to know her, but I'm constantly scared what the consequences might be if I talk to her.
I'm so upset that I can't get a partner, that I've even thought about self harm. I would never go through with the self harm, but the thoughts are distressing. A lot of women seem to assume that I'm only after one thing, but that's simply not the case, because I'm a gentleman. I wonder if anybody else is experiencing a similar situation to me. I get the impression that certain women don't want to interact with me. If that is the case, I don't know if I've done something wrong or not. They might just be shy.
Wow, there is a lot of creepiness on this thread. All the blame women stuff is freaking me out. No wonder we are wary! The only decent advice is from Hippo... Ignore everything else.
I agree.
Unfortunately many autistics come over as creepy and this is 'the problem'.
Yes, from what I have observed of confident NT guys, they are successful with women, because they can read the social situation. They know quickly whether a woman they like likes them, so they say 'do you want grab a coffee?' and the woman says 'yes, that would be lovely,' - happy days. They also know when a woman is not keen, so they leave them alone. Men who can't read the situation can spend a lot of time staring at a woman, because they don't know whether to proceed. Even if she was initially interested, this paralysis can cause confusion, frustration and the dampening of the sexual spark. This is particularly true if the woman is trying to get on with her work/responsibilities/own special interests at the same time. She really should be free to do so. Furthermore, the idea of a man desperately seeking a girlfriend, then deciding it must be a certain woman does seem creepy. As if he is slotting her into his ideal, regardless of her actual personality and characteristics. I know this is difficult advice for the lonely, but it is much better to concentrate on your own work/interests/responsibilities. It will then be pretty much a given that someone special will turn up in your life at some point. (So long as you live long enough, that is).
from what I have observed of confident NT guys, they are successful with women, because they can read the social situation.
And that's the problem - they get very good at saying just the right things by practice - which equates to a notch count on the bedpost. The 'confident man' will be just a casual user.
no one ever does turn up naturally though, which is why you have to do the unnatural and seek them out yourself.... which people with ASD cannot do at all... for one it seems too cheeky and invasive to want to seek someone out anyway, and for another its just not natural enough as it is ontop of adding another unnatural thing of trying to go out of your way to seek a date or even any form of social interaction at all, which is plain just weird. all in all theres no one for a autist, and thus it adds to the feel that theres no place on this world for us, of which many many things add to that feel of no place being for us on this planet. and by the time you get to a older age you dont even care anyway, life is over.