My Quest to get a girlfriend has really effected my mental health

Hi, I'm Adam, I'm 27, and I'm autistic. I've been single for my entire life because women don't seem to be interested in me. I have no idea why, I'm reasonably attractive. My first attempt at getting a girlfriend was a complete disaster because I ended up getting banned from a building and the woman never wants to see me again. This has put me into a vicious cycle of depression and anxiety. I'm scared to even approach a woman now, for fear that history might repeat itself. When I do finally pluck up the courage to ask a woman out, some of them say they have boyfriends, others say they're happy being single, so I can't win.

I currently have a crush on a work colleague but I can't pluck up the courage to say anything to her. Sometimes her body language and facial expressions can be quite off putting. I hope she doesn't think I'm a creep. Sometimes she looks around to see if I'm looking in her direction. We occasionally lock eyes with each other, but one of us ends up looking away. Sometimes it's her that looks away, other times it's me. I'm scared how she will react when I eventually make an approach. I know what I'm going to say, that's not the issue, it's just I don't want her reporting me to the management or anything of that nature. In the past people have reported me to the management when I didn't even do anything wrong. I don't see what's wrong with just asking someone out. They have the option to say yes or no. The management are aware that I'm autistic. I want to get to know her, but I'm constantly scared what the consequences might be if I talk to her.

I'm so upset that I can't get a partner, that I've even thought about self harm. I would never go through with the self harm, but the thoughts are distressing. A lot of women seem to assume that I'm only after one thing, but that's simply not the case, because I'm a gentleman. I wonder if anybody else is experiencing a similar situation to me. I get the impression that certain women don't want to interact with me. If that is the case, I don't know if I've done something wrong or not. They might just be shy. 

Parents
  • Hi Adam

    Relationships are complicated.   I would be very careful about work relationships.    You are much better off joining special interest groups in whatever your hobby or interests are - and then at least you have something to talk about.     Physical attraction is nice - but you'll get more stimulation from a meeting of minds.

    If you're set on asking the woman at work out, try to think about the outcomes - what if she turns you down - how awkward would that be?

Reply
  • Hi Adam

    Relationships are complicated.   I would be very careful about work relationships.    You are much better off joining special interest groups in whatever your hobby or interests are - and then at least you have something to talk about.     Physical attraction is nice - but you'll get more stimulation from a meeting of minds.

    If you're set on asking the woman at work out, try to think about the outcomes - what if she turns you down - how awkward would that be?

Children