Published on 12, July, 2020
My question is, having Recently researched Autism I had a lightbulb moment, is it possible I lost some of my mask during my mental break or healing process? I know I still mask sometimes and to some extent but I was wondering if anyone else has experienced this or thinks this is likely?Background for those interestedA few years back I had a mental breakdown after years of struggling with depression and anxiety, at the time I had no idea what was going on and why I didn't seem to fit anywhere and was just broken but having finally started to get answers (ADHD and likely Autism), its raised a few questions about the way I act now vs before. Before the breakdown, most people would have thought I was mostly normal, with the possible exception of being a bit obsessive on some topics and missing the odd social cue and being quite introverted. This came with a massive toll on me and I would have to spend a lot of time recharging between social events and came with a lot of anxiety which I now know is likely because I was masking. Immediately after the breakdown people expected me to be odd, and I was, but I started to heal and thanks to a supportive family, I found work I enjoy and a way to exist that is reasonably low stress and although I have a lot of anxiety and social issues still I'm happier now than I have been for most of my adult life. The problem is my family and friends all seem to think I'm still broken and have approached me saying I don't look right, stare off into space, don't emote correctly, among other comments, and they do things like tell me to cheer up when I'm perfectly happy and the like.
The good news my friend is that you are Autistic. It's only a difference that often gets made into a disorder due to everyone (including ourselves sometimes) efforts to make you "fit in".
The normies have made some effort now to recognise and accept us. I carry the Autism card, issued in conjunction with the police which informs everyone else that I am a "Vulnerable person" who cannot function in a fully dishonest environment without assistance form a normie. When my girlfriend gets overly frustrated with my little ways, instead of feeling upset myself, I can calmly evaluate the situation, decide how much justification she has, and if it is necessary, the phrase "You know it's a part of my condition, so quit with the normie oppression will you? Has been surprisingly effective...
Now you are a legitimate "minority" you can easily point out how un-pc the treatment any particular normie is handing out to you is!
Like any powerful weapon, you don't actually need to use it very often, the knowledge that I always have it available, (to SHUT IT DOWN) makes seeking alternative conflict resolution scenarios less of a mandatory desperate struggle, and more into an opportunity to showcase my superior problem solving skills.
As for the "breakdowns", they are like autumn leaves being shed from a tree, after a while you realise that the tree (your unique and occasionally wonderful personality) remains and that soon new leaves (the routines and peccadillos called "personality" will return as good as new, just like the leaves in spring.
Now you know you are a 'Sperg*, there's no reason why you cannot find the "balance point" often called happiness and contentment, after a bit more practice.
BUT, once a normie makes up his or her mind about you they ALWAYS see you in that frame unless jolted out of it by events. Despite the huge internal attitude changes my diagnosis has made, (the reduction of confusion alone has made much more of my mental processing power available for tasks other than crisis management now!) My closest family and friends seem to see than nothing has changed. It might take them many years to notice.
But I know.
And don't discard that mask. IT will have served you well in some situations and you will still need it. The world isn't going to change overnight, and even when I form my Autistic army and we Autists seize the power that has been so cruelly witheld from us, we will still need to occasionally communicate with the normie servants, and it's just easier and kinder to them if you wear a mask! (O.K. settiing aside my need to inject a modicum of whimsy into things, with the Autistic army etc, the mask you talk about IS more useful to you on occasion than the silly (and far less functional) facerags we were all wearing a few months back. I would suggest that you consider whether you want to discard it just yet.
I hope this helps a bit. Do have a nice day, and get out there and find your power.
As an Autist you have a lot of power when you use it right. You must have noticed that....
* I like "labels"! I identify as a 'Sperglord myself, and have been known to sign things as "the Autist formerly known as <insert name here>".
Greetings Sperglord I Sperg! Thank you for that, it was very fun to read.Well, things have changed a bit in the last few days and I am seeing some of that power of which you speak flow in my direction. I started telling family and friends about it to some varied responses, some of which were more than a little dismissive, mostly from the family's middle-class white male golfing contingent. This morning however there was a change, I got the report through from the psychiatrist about my ADHD which also included the part about suggesting seeking an official diagnosis for ASD (the doctor has already referred me now I just have to wait 2 years ). It must have traveled the grapevine from mum because my sisters are suddenly asking me if there are any accommodations they can help with, my aunt bought me some stim toys and mum is asking me which book on Autism she should buy (and knowing her to put on the pile of unread books by her bed). Now I just need the golfers to pull their heads from the sandpit.Anyway, trying not to make a short story long, yes, it did help thank you, I needed that pep talk I was feeling a bit confused and isolated about it for a little while, believe it or not, I don't really like change too much. Thanks once again and, I too, hope you're having a nice day.
Hey, thanks for the update. It means a lot.