Published on 12, July, 2020
My question is, having Recently researched Autism I had a lightbulb moment, is it possible I lost some of my mask during my mental break or healing process? I know I still mask sometimes and to some extent but I was wondering if anyone else has experienced this or thinks this is likely?Background for those interestedA few years back I had a mental breakdown after years of struggling with depression and anxiety, at the time I had no idea what was going on and why I didn't seem to fit anywhere and was just broken but having finally started to get answers (ADHD and likely Autism), its raised a few questions about the way I act now vs before. Before the breakdown, most people would have thought I was mostly normal, with the possible exception of being a bit obsessive on some topics and missing the odd social cue and being quite introverted. This came with a massive toll on me and I would have to spend a lot of time recharging between social events and came with a lot of anxiety which I now know is likely because I was masking. Immediately after the breakdown people expected me to be odd, and I was, but I started to heal and thanks to a supportive family, I found work I enjoy and a way to exist that is reasonably low stress and although I have a lot of anxiety and social issues still I'm happier now than I have been for most of my adult life. The problem is my family and friends all seem to think I'm still broken and have approached me saying I don't look right, stare off into space, don't emote correctly, among other comments, and they do things like tell me to cheer up when I'm perfectly happy and the like.
Yeah after any sort of period of time of masking there is a breakdown for some a time. This can be months or years. In different scenarios I will have different masks. These masks take maybe six months to create. Until this time I don't have a clue what to say or do. But once my mask is on I get on well at work/college/University. The breakdown after I left university was quite a large one. The next problem was getting a job, I had no idea who to be in an interview.
With hindsight it's really obvious that this is what was happening to me and seems almost ridiculous I didn't see it, though because I was extremely depressive I thought it was that worsening and that is also how I got treated for bipolar which never really clicked as an answer for me.
Rashford said:The next problem was getting a job, I had no idea who to be in an interview
Yeah this is really familiar to me, the first time I had to do an interview I did so much work, planning, and what I now know is some form of mask modification and then I turned up for the interview, the interviewer was wearing a Donald duck t-shirt and jogging pants holding a mop bucket and the only question he asked was "When can you start?". I walked out of it entirely baffled and had to call later to confirm the information hed told me because it was so far outside of what I was expecting I'd forgotten to remember anything as id been trying to process it.