Published on 12, July, 2020
My question is, having Recently researched Autism I had a lightbulb moment, is it possible I lost some of my mask during my mental break or healing process? I know I still mask sometimes and to some extent but I was wondering if anyone else has experienced this or thinks this is likely?Background for those interestedA few years back I had a mental breakdown after years of struggling with depression and anxiety, at the time I had no idea what was going on and why I didn't seem to fit anywhere and was just broken but having finally started to get answers (ADHD and likely Autism), its raised a few questions about the way I act now vs before. Before the breakdown, most people would have thought I was mostly normal, with the possible exception of being a bit obsessive on some topics and missing the odd social cue and being quite introverted. This came with a massive toll on me and I would have to spend a lot of time recharging between social events and came with a lot of anxiety which I now know is likely because I was masking. Immediately after the breakdown people expected me to be odd, and I was, but I started to heal and thanks to a supportive family, I found work I enjoy and a way to exist that is reasonably low stress and although I have a lot of anxiety and social issues still I'm happier now than I have been for most of my adult life. The problem is my family and friends all seem to think I'm still broken and have approached me saying I don't look right, stare off into space, don't emote correctly, among other comments, and they do things like tell me to cheer up when I'm perfectly happy and the like.
Pax said:mmediately after the breakdown people expected me to be odd, and I was, but I started to heal and thanks to a supportive family, I found work I enjoy and a way to exist that is reasonably low stress and although I have a lot of anxiety and social issues still I'm happier now than I have been for most of my adult life.
Surely this is a good thing ? To be happier than you've ever been I would definitely rejoice. Maybe you're losing your ego.
Pax said:The problem is my family and friends all seem to think I'm still broken
Tell them you've never been happier.
It is absolutely a good thing and I see that though I'd rather achieve happy rather than happier in the long run if that makes sense.
Turtle said:Maybe you're losing your ego.
Can I ask you to expand on how you mean I may be losing my ego? my understanding of Ego is its my sense of self and I feel if anything I'm being more truly myself but I may be misunderstanding or have a flawed definition.
Turtle said:Tell them you've never been happier.
I have, but they frustratingly don't believe me. Unfortunately, I have had very bad mental health for my entire adulthood and teen years and due to instances of self-harm etc they see this behavior as a red flag and won't leave it alone. You've actually tapped into the main reason I asked this question because I'm trying to decide if I should get officially diagnosed and if the behavior is likely the removal of the mask then getting diagnosed and educating them could help alleviate both an annoyance to me and anxiety of theirs. And thus would be a tick in the pro collum of going through the diagnostic process.