Published on 12, July, 2020
My question is, having Recently researched Autism I had a lightbulb moment, is it possible I lost some of my mask during my mental break or healing process? I know I still mask sometimes and to some extent but I was wondering if anyone else has experienced this or thinks this is likely?Background for those interestedA few years back I had a mental breakdown after years of struggling with depression and anxiety, at the time I had no idea what was going on and why I didn't seem to fit anywhere and was just broken but having finally started to get answers (ADHD and likely Autism), its raised a few questions about the way I act now vs before. Before the breakdown, most people would have thought I was mostly normal, with the possible exception of being a bit obsessive on some topics and missing the odd social cue and being quite introverted. This came with a massive toll on me and I would have to spend a lot of time recharging between social events and came with a lot of anxiety which I now know is likely because I was masking. Immediately after the breakdown people expected me to be odd, and I was, but I started to heal and thanks to a supportive family, I found work I enjoy and a way to exist that is reasonably low stress and although I have a lot of anxiety and social issues still I'm happier now than I have been for most of my adult life. The problem is my family and friends all seem to think I'm still broken and have approached me saying I don't look right, stare off into space, don't emote correctly, among other comments, and they do things like tell me to cheer up when I'm perfectly happy and the like.
Hiya,
I don't know about masking. I'm still trying to puzzel out if I do, have ever done, or how to tell if I am. I don't go to parties if I don't feel happy, because pretending is just too much strain, for sure.
If it's any help though, I had a real trauma about five years back and I feel I lost something in my emotional landscape then and have never really got it back. I can't define it exactly, but the bit of me that used to respond sociably and positively to the outside world seems to have gone walk about and won't quite come back.
Yes I recognize this feeling, to strain an analogy, it's almost like when talking with people outside of myself the phone line I used to use isn't as clear anymore. An example of this is my mum (Who I work with) who often gets annoyed with me saying I'm not listening to her because I just won't understand the question she asks me. According to her I used to understand what she meant but now I don't. The sort of question I mean here is one like this, I was working on a project and she asked "Do you think he'd like a blue one" and I couldn't figure out who he was or what object was blue, because the context wasn't in front of me or at the top of my mind.
Pax said: The sort of question I mean here is one like this, I was working on a project and she asked "Do you think he'd like a blue one" and I couldn't figure out who he was or what object was blue, because the context wasn't in front of me or at the top of my mind.
In reply to, "Do you think he'd like a blue one?" sorts of questions ~ my Grandmother used to say things along the lines of, "Who? ~ The dog's uncle and what exactly would 'you' be referring to?" Often adding that. "People, things and places have names for a reason!" Or if I had not called her 'Grandmother' ~ she used to say, "Who am I ~ the cat's mother?" and other such things in relation to other people.