Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello All,
I've was diagnosed with 'Asperger Syndrome' and 'Anxiety Disorder' only 3 days ago. I already have a diagnosis of 'Klinefelter Syndrome' some 24 years ago. I'm a 52 year old married male.
I'm at a bit of a loss as how I can improve myself or if that is at all possible. I struggle with anxiety from the moment I wake up, to the time I go to sleep. Sometimes its bubbling just under the surface, a sort of tingling feeling in my head. Other times it's just getting in the way of life. At other times its making me feel that the best course of action is suicide.
My wife had suspected that I might have AS but hoped that I didn't. That how I am was just me being lazy and thoughtless, not me being my normal self.
Any advice would be gratefully accepted.
Now that you have a diagnosis and it has confirmed some of your traits as being you and not being deliberately lazy/thoughtless etc. I suppose the next stage is a joint project with you and your partner to get to the bottom of where the communication and understanding has broken down.
I have some traits that drive my partner mad, but he also loves and wouldn't change others. Like NTs, we are all individuals and as such, come with our own strengths and weaknesses.
I've started working with my partner to understand the condition as he has only recently started to realise how much I am struggle and get stressed over certain things. Sometimes that awareness on both sides of the relationship is all it needs. Saying that, I have also realised that there are some weaknesses that I need to work on as well, as it is give and take in relationships. Don't aim for perfection, but understanding and see what ways you can both help to make things easier on your relationship and life in general.
Aren't NTs a bit weird? It's beyond me why your wife would wish you are lazy and thoughtless instead of actually caring a lot and trying your best and just not always getting it right. Hope she feels more positive about it with time, perhaps it just takes her a while to adjust to the idea rather than this being an actual attitude? Wished I had a recipe against anxiety, not that easy unfortunately... Hope these diagnoses aren't making it worse now, guess it's normal though if they do for a while, try to be patient and hopefully others will be patient with you too.
Not sure how you can improve yourself, guess clearer communication is the key if you appear lazy and thoughtless to your wife while you are not. Perhaps you can identify and tell her what hints you won't get and how to tell you things instead. If you seem lazy perhaps try to ask her more often what needs doing and make sure you understand it? She may think you simply see it and if you don't do it it's you being lazy, or she gives some subtle hints and you don't notice them, or she says something vague and you still don't know what she actually wants?
Take care!