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My OH has just been diagnosed

Littlewarbler
over 7 years ago

Hello all,

I'm a 38 year old woman who would like to connect with other people who have ASD partners. My OH was diagnosed last week. Our relationship has been very strained for at least 18 months (we've been together 7 years) and I'm taking anti depressants. I find it difficult to cope with the stress of being the sole breadwinner/carer. I'm on the brink of moving out and could really do with some support or helpful advice. I'd like to try living separately but still be in a relationship. Has anyone here had similar experiences they could share with me?

Thanks x

Parents
  • over 7 years ago

    Hi Littlewarbler,

    Sorry to read of your problems.  I have ASC myself and have made the decision not to have any more co-habiting relationships.  I know how hard it can be on the other person.  All of the partners and girlfriends I've had over the years (not a huge number by any means) have not hung around for very long.  My poor ex-wife was with me for five years - the longest by far (months or weeks for the rest) - and I know what hell it must have been for her come the end.  I just find it hard and inhibiting having someone else share my space.  If I had a big enough house where we could have separate quarters - including kitchens and bathrooms - that would be okay.  It would have to be LAT otherwise (living apart together).  It's better for me, of course - but it's better for the other person, too.  I really wouldn't want anyone else to have to make the compromises I need - which isn't to say that I can't make them myself.  It's just that they usually are more than I can manage.  I've tried hard, believe me. 

    When you talk about 'carer', it sounds like your partner has needs which require the assistance of another person.  Is that right?  Would he qualify for some kind of daily support that could give you much-needed respite? 

    Sorry... I know it's not much help.  I wish you well and hope you can find a resolution to this all before it gets worse. 

    Best wishes,

    Tom

Reply
  • over 7 years ago

    Hi Littlewarbler,

    Sorry to read of your problems.  I have ASC myself and have made the decision not to have any more co-habiting relationships.  I know how hard it can be on the other person.  All of the partners and girlfriends I've had over the years (not a huge number by any means) have not hung around for very long.  My poor ex-wife was with me for five years - the longest by far (months or weeks for the rest) - and I know what hell it must have been for her come the end.  I just find it hard and inhibiting having someone else share my space.  If I had a big enough house where we could have separate quarters - including kitchens and bathrooms - that would be okay.  It would have to be LAT otherwise (living apart together).  It's better for me, of course - but it's better for the other person, too.  I really wouldn't want anyone else to have to make the compromises I need - which isn't to say that I can't make them myself.  It's just that they usually are more than I can manage.  I've tried hard, believe me. 

    When you talk about 'carer', it sounds like your partner has needs which require the assistance of another person.  Is that right?  Would he qualify for some kind of daily support that could give you much-needed respite? 

    Sorry... I know it's not much help.  I wish you well and hope you can find a resolution to this all before it gets worse. 

    Best wishes,

    Tom

Children
  • over 7 years ago in reply to Deleted User

    Hi Tom, thanks for your reply. He has chronic eczema and allergies due to leaky gut syndrome. Most of the time this renders him unable to do much at all. His family are local and quite supportive. Unfortunately, I've gotten myself in to a situation of paying their mortgage and am worrying about moving out and making things financially difficult for them. A whole load of codependency going on! The kind of support I'd need is to have a place of my own in which to just be. My current environment is very controlled (not in a tidy way) and has never felt like a home. I'd love to persevere, learn to accept things as they are but my worsening mental state tells me this would be an unhealthy thing to do. LAT seems like the best thing to do by far.