Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi looking for some advice, my 5 year old child who has been diagnosed with autism. He is a lovely cuddly little boy who can at times get frustrated and lacks social skills to interact well with others in class, the school is very happy with his progress and haven't reported any issues at all.
i was approached by an angry parent on the school grounds who was accusing my child of pushing their child and said it was on a regular basis. I told them to speak to the teacher and stayed back to chat to the teacher myself. I was told that they weren't aware of anything happing at school and they had no concerns with my child.
a few days later the parent approached my child directly in the playground and told him not to push her child. i spoke to them directly this time and asked that they not speak directly to my child but to the school and that I had been advised that there is no issue with my child. To which the parent said they chose to believe what their child was telling them.
i am unsure how to deal with the situation as Im being told there isn't an issue by the school but this child is going home telling its Parents things that aren't really happening. The parent told me that MY childs behaviour isn't normal and this really has upset me - I am at a loss and sick of crying about this all the time. I dread going to the school incase another thing happens. Because my child has autism there is always a chance he can act out but he's adamant he's not doing what he's being accused of.
Anyone had similar situations?
What I hope you guys know as parents of kids with autism (and this is perhaps from a limited observation - nonetheless...) is that your kids in school are benefiting the other kids in so many ways. You should be so proud of the yourselves and your kids - I have been working now over 2 years with one autistic child and all the other kids in the class have benefitted so much from him being in the school - they love him to pieces - he's lucky perhaps, in that I am there as a 1-1 to explain to them his reactions, difficulties, and also his wonders, his abilities, his freedom from convention. I have been so amazed at the capacity of 5-6 year old children to be understanding and caring - but this is not one sided, the child I look after is really caring - yes he gets stressed, yes he misunderstands sometimes, but at heart, thay are all kids who love to play, who love to laugh - this, to me is true education - learning that there is diversity and that that is a wealth. There will always be some prejudice, but in general - these kids and you wonderful parents are creating a better world for us all to live in, well done!
Omg thanks so much for ure post birdie!!! It is only 1 set of parents and any others I have spoken to about my son are always positive or they say all the kids are like that when i refer to him getting over excited. I was just so hurt - my son had said that he didn't want to play with their child during class and the child went home and told the parent who txt me to say that wasn't normal behaviour on my sons part?? (She had my no from an invite I sent to the whole class for my sons party to which they initially accepted then declined using this comment as the reason the child would not be attending)
i am not looking to have any contact with them and will be reporting the comment to the teacher tomorrow I just want to move past this and not have it hanging over us everyday
Hi Ash123, sorry to hear you're having a bad time I was in more or less the same position as you last year, my son is also 5 and he had an issue with a girl in year 1, his school is small and reception and year 1 are in the same room. Our problem was he scratched the girl in questions face quite innocently he was copying another boy and pretending to be a dinosaur and got too close, she is always very huggy with him and did'nt move away quick enough. Anyway her mother was'nt happy and facebook shamed my son and made it all horrible, I was paranoid, stressed cried all the time and felt my son was being used as a scapegoat for everything in school. So I had a meeting with the head teacher who put my mind at ease, spoke to the parent and no it was'nt resolved immediately but it got the ball rolling. The school now use a restorative approach to solving issues, so if children do have a issues with each other it is sorted within the school day and not taken home. It takes time and it does get better I promise, keep going to the teacher it should be the school who intervene never engage the parent unless you have to. The best thing I did was join the local ASD/ADHD group if your in Cambs I can point the way and I discovered there are more parents with kids on the spectrum in my school, it was comforting to know. Sorry my point if I get there is follow the others advice, stick within the school and hang in there I know its awful but you have the community, it is only one parent as it was in my situation others will be on your side without maybe you knowing it. My son kind of did his own thing during the Nativity this year and I truely broke out in a cold sweat, more worried he would ruin some tots great moment but a mum I hardly know came up to me a few days later and said was'nt it wonderful that he joined in, it was really heartwarming and a thankful comment. Keep your chin up.
thanks so much i will definetly call the helpline for more advice xx
The school is amazing and have said they will speak to the parents, but the comment re his behaviour not being normal was made after they had been spoken to.
I feel exhusted with having all this anxiety evey day i go to the school to drop or pick my son up i feel so nervous and upset. both replies have been great xx
Hi
I work in a primary school doing 1-1 support for a 5 year old autistic boy, he needs a lot of support (although he is amazing!) and I know that the school I work in would not tolerate another parent taking this approach... I would go back to the school and tell them what has occurred as the other parent should not be approaching your child, they should be talking to the school themselves. The school has a duty of care for all children and they should be happy to provide it (of course they may need coaxing). In my experience most kids are very understanding and certainly none of them are 'normal', they are all unique... if you need any more details on procedure I can perhaps ask to see what the school I work in would do.
Hi Ash123,
I have listed some information below on the Autism Helpline and Education Rights Service which may be a useful resource for you:
Autism Helpline:
The team who are best equipped to answer your question would be our Autism Helpline, as they can provide you with information and advice on your issue. You can call them on 0808 800 4104 (Monday to Thursday 10am to 4pm, Friday 9am to 3pm).
Education Rights Service:
Please see the following link for information on education for a child with an autism spectrum disorder:http://www.autism.org.uk/about/in-education.aspx. This includes information regarding getting extra support for your child in their education setting.
I do hope this information has been helpful.
Regena-Mod