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Hi i need some advice / help . I am desperate

leedslass
over 8 years ago

Hi Folks hoping some other parent has been in the same position as me. I am getting very frustrated with myself for being unable to help my adult child in thier late 20's .  I now believe quite strongly he is on the autistic spectrum. He is isolated, has rigorous routines (I can set my watch by him) and will not detract from them.  Does notcommunicate with all of us, sits in bedroom, gets in to a blind panic when i make him eat at the table on a few occassions, loves words, super intelligent etc etc....but I cannot find a way to get him to come to the docs with me. He will chat and play with our dog...who I actually got because I read that sufferers would 'communicate ' with animals.  I am hoping someone has had this experiance and may be able to help me , offer me guidance or point me to some group who may be able to help.

Oh and he will talk when he is on the phone.!

thanks for reading. 

Parents
  • over 8 years ago

    I don't know your son and can't predict what his reactions will be to anything you try. It isn't even absolutely clear whether he is on the autistic spectrum - I believe it's possible to have depression and general anxiety disorder without being autistic,  and my GP said some depressed people exhibit autistic traits more when they're depressed, although I'm no expert. So it's quite hard to give advice. 

    However, it is clear that this situation cannot be allowed to continue. He is a grown man and should not still be being looked after by his parents. I don't mean to be cruel, but if I was you I would make sure this was pointed out to him. I would write him a letter rather than trying to force him into a conversation where it may feel to him like a conflict situation. as this will give him time to read and think about it. I would gently point out to him that as an adult he is not being fair to you by expecting to be looked after without making any contribution, that he is not having the life he deserves, and that he needs to sort himself out. I would end by affirming that he is loved very much but that you are worried sick about him and you don't know what to do, so you are appealing to him to help and you want him to either speak to you or write you a message as soon as he feels able to. 

    All the best 

Reply
  • over 8 years ago

    I don't know your son and can't predict what his reactions will be to anything you try. It isn't even absolutely clear whether he is on the autistic spectrum - I believe it's possible to have depression and general anxiety disorder without being autistic,  and my GP said some depressed people exhibit autistic traits more when they're depressed, although I'm no expert. So it's quite hard to give advice. 

    However, it is clear that this situation cannot be allowed to continue. He is a grown man and should not still be being looked after by his parents. I don't mean to be cruel, but if I was you I would make sure this was pointed out to him. I would write him a letter rather than trying to force him into a conversation where it may feel to him like a conflict situation. as this will give him time to read and think about it. I would gently point out to him that as an adult he is not being fair to you by expecting to be looked after without making any contribution, that he is not having the life he deserves, and that he needs to sort himself out. I would end by affirming that he is loved very much but that you are worried sick about him and you don't know what to do, so you are appealing to him to help and you want him to either speak to you or write you a message as soon as he feels able to. 

    All the best 

Children
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