Published on 12, July, 2020
He seemed quite keen to point out that having a "label" won't change anything, but ironically told me he believes my issues are due to Anxiety Disorder.
I don't really know what happens now, I forgot to ask. My anxiety levels are through the roof because a) my train was late and I was worried I'd have to have a confrontation with the surgery staff about being late, and b) I was worried about having to explain all this to a complete stranger.
I wrote a list, the GP read it and asked if I can function normally at home, so I said I can wash myself, cook food and do normal every day things. He seemed to concentrate on that more than what I was trying to explain regarding the social anxiety I have, having few friends, not liking crowded rooms/places, getting angry when plans change at the last minute, the feelings of being different or an outsider I've had for as long as I can remember (I'm 39 now), the fact i socred 41 on the AQ test, that I don't natuarally understand what my partner is upset about, the fact i mimic others behaviour to "appear normal", not liking confromtation of any form (even if I'm in the right), my extremem defensiveness at critisism, lack of sarcasm radar, not liking being teased etc etc.
He said it was up to me but thinks any test will not show any form of Aspergers or Autism. He said he's write a letter but there was a long waiting list, and with that he turned to his computer and said goodbye.
I feel physicaly sick with anxiety
You're welcome, and I'm glad you got something out of it. I think I'd agree that your headacxhe is down to the stress you're under, this is a particularly hard and confusing time for you and your head is probably full of randomly racing thoughts.
Whatever you do, understand that it is impossible for you to be wasting anyone's time with this. AS is a serious issue, but please also consider this. Clearly, you have some issues, they're blighting your life, and you really don't know who you are. This situation, in anyone, will induce mental imbalance leading to ill health, and psychiatrists and enlightened GPs know very well that mental unwellness also leads to physical symptoms. I'm not talking about 'mental illness. Many of us have had all sorts of 'diagnoses' (commonly Bipolar) because AS diagnosis is poor and the condition barely understood.
Given that you are in this position, it's in your best interests to be properly diagnosed. If you AREN'T diagnosed AS, well that eliminates AS so the answer must be something else and they'd better find it - that's why we pay health insurance and you're just as entitled as anyone to claim on it when you're not well. Either way, you're nearer to your answer, and that can only be a good thing. It's certainly an improvement on the dark abyss of not knowing why you feel the way you feel, or why the things that go on in your head, do.
Your life isn't changed at the moment, just because you're pursuing this. Your thoughts are changed, your confusion maybe added to, this is a BIG thing to process, but your daily life hasn't markedly shifted. Routine is important, so carry on with the routines that you've always had, keep talking on here whenever you need to because we hope that you're finding some comfort and support in just being here, and the time will pass. I won't go into a long explanation of why I say this, but try not to discuss your situation with anyone (apart from your wife, of course) - we have learned between us that this is a good position to adopt. I'll explain if you want me to, or you can trust the advice. Up to you, no problem either way.
A dog is a very good idea - you have to take it out (although as you say, meeting other dog walkers can be a bit of a trial) and get some 'you' time, and dogs love us unconditionaly anyway, because they're stupid (with occasional evidence of brain function!) but loyal! Training them can be very rewarding, as it involves routine...
Doubt, confusion, stress, anxiety - we've all had, and have them - and the rest! Some of our 'functionality' revolves around how high or low they are at any given time. Remember, you're not alone and you're not talking to people who can't understand, we get you.