Published on 12, July, 2020
He seemed quite keen to point out that having a "label" won't change anything, but ironically told me he believes my issues are due to Anxiety Disorder.
I don't really know what happens now, I forgot to ask. My anxiety levels are through the roof because a) my train was late and I was worried I'd have to have a confrontation with the surgery staff about being late, and b) I was worried about having to explain all this to a complete stranger.
I wrote a list, the GP read it and asked if I can function normally at home, so I said I can wash myself, cook food and do normal every day things. He seemed to concentrate on that more than what I was trying to explain regarding the social anxiety I have, having few friends, not liking crowded rooms/places, getting angry when plans change at the last minute, the feelings of being different or an outsider I've had for as long as I can remember (I'm 39 now), the fact i socred 41 on the AQ test, that I don't natuarally understand what my partner is upset about, the fact i mimic others behaviour to "appear normal", not liking confromtation of any form (even if I'm in the right), my extremem defensiveness at critisism, lack of sarcasm radar, not liking being teased etc etc.
He said it was up to me but thinks any test will not show any form of Aspergers or Autism. He said he's write a letter but there was a long waiting list, and with that he turned to his computer and said goodbye.
I feel physicaly sick with anxiety
Hi, I'm a late diagnosed older AS person, so just wanted to offer you some of my thoughts. We don't all agree on everything, so please try to remember that this is my personal view and it isn't all shared by everyone.
Your GP is right to say 'autism', so don't get upset about that at all. The professionals are trying to get all spectrum conditions called 'spectrum conditions' so it sounds like he's at least up to date on that one! Depending on when they got their diagnosis, there is a range of 'titles' that people use, aspie being the most common. That's fine, whatever the description we'll generaly read it as 'one of us'. Some of us call autism spectrum a 'condition', some call it a 'disorder', and I don't want to be rude to either, that's why I use AS instead of ASD or ASC.
Your GP is also right to note that you think you're on the spectrum. Many people have to identify their condition to their doctor, and we spend some time telling seekers how to approach this, in pretty much the way that you have anyway, so well done for that - the first approach is the hardest.
Your anxiety is perfectly normal for anyone faced with the unknown. Of course you're anxious, you neither know what's coming next nor what the outcome will be. We might sound sanguine about it, but delays are 'normal' (but incredibly hard to bear) and there's little that can be done about it. On the positive side, you've got the process started so there's something to look forward to. In a year's time, you'll be a year older - if you hadn't started the process, you could have ended up a year older and no nearer to an answer, but that's not going to happen now. Brilliant!
What often happens is that a person gets refered to the local CMHT for pre-screening, and it is they who decide whether to put you forward for a full assessment. As an example, I know someone who is going through the process at the moment. The approach to the doctor was the same as yours, the pre-screen is over, after a 2 month wait, they were put forward for the full assessment, and the letter that came from the assessor last week says it'll be about 35 weeks before they can offer an appointment.
We can't take away your anxiety, but we can, and will, talk to you about it. Let's face it, whether you're anxious or not the process will take the time it takes. I've advised others to just try and put it away for the time being (that's what I did and it worked for me, like Asparagus, I prefered to go in 'cold') but this is easier for some than others I know, so if you can't, you can't. Just accept it and do your best to endure the passage of time untill it's your turn. If it's really getting to you and you can't settle, please please please don't be afraid to ask your GP for some meds to help you along. It isn't 'chickening out', and there's no rewards for bravery - if you need it, get it.
Don't be misled by your doctor's misconception of 'functionality' because we know very well that our functionality is constantly moving. They call 'functionality' whether or not you can dress yourself etc - I call that routine born of habit and training. Whether I am functional whilst I'm doing it is another matter alltogether, my test is 'am I functional enough to go and post this letter?' but NTs really don't get it. If anyone calls you 'high function' spit in their eye for me, would you? There's no such thing, but people still insist on using it and have no understanding at all of what they're saying.
Some of what you say is AS in flavour, which is hopefuly why you're here. We'll talk with you, support you, help if we can, and stand by your side all the way. You are not alone.
I hope that I've written something helpful, but if I haven't, feel free to ignore it! Good luck