Published on 12, July, 2020
Spent the last 50-odd years struggling with the world and putting myself down for it. I have an exceptional mind, but find life too confusing to put it to the best use. I have a handicapped son who has recently taken an oral test for autism and found myself answering yes to all of the questions....for myself! Online tests confirmed this, so I made an appointment with a mental health expert who is convinced that I'm an Aspie, athough I face an 18 month wait to see a specialist. The relief was immediate. I didn't have to see myself as a klutz anymore; it's standard for Aspies. Yippee!
I took the information back to my wife and she flatly refuses to believe it; you can see the scorn in her face, like it's just another of my "excuses" for non-standard behaviour. It's impossible to reason with her; I can't tolerate confrontation, which leaves me sick and shaking with adrenaline, unable to formulate a cohesive reply, and she's got a black belt in deliberate obfuscation, running rings around me every time and leaving me shaken. I'm even doing this incognito, since she scans for nascent obsessions, intending to nip them in the bud. I got up the nerve to tell her that what she's doing amounts to sadism - even controlling behaviour - and you can guess how well that one went down.
It seems that she's doing everything in her power to try and mould me into a "normal" person, putting me under the sort of intense scrutiny that demolishes my ability to function effectively. Basically, it provokes the opposite effect to what's intended. I feel like I'm being microscopically dissected by the Thought Police. I've lost count of the number of times I've been accused of infidelity, when in fact the effect of being forced to be something I'm not places a mental obstacle between us that effectively excludes intimacy for long periods. I try to explain but I get tied in knots each and every time. I just don't possess the mental tool set that's required.
I am now camped out in my head going through the motions, offering about 1% of my mental capacity for interfacing with the world, while the other 99% is in frantic, desperate activity wondering what the hell to do to salvage the situation. Never been so low. Meanwhile, with Christmas coming up I'm expected to contribute with a pasted-on smile - something that I'm literally incapable of doing. What on Earth can I do?
It's a worn-out cliche, but my wife - in very real terms - does not understand me.
Hello All , i have just been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome at the age of 69 . I have worked at lots of different jobs in my time but had to retire at 58 after being diagnosed with Prostate Cancer and having no close contact network i got what was diagnosed as Anxiety and Depression . I had one to one counselling with a GP Practice Counsellor one to one talking therapy with a Mental Health Nurse ,Group Therapy and CBT with a therapist but none of them picked out my Asperger's . and none of them worked . Let me say that i have not been able to make close relationships with anyone of either sex my whole life . My schooling was very bitty as i was always getting injuries that put me in hospital for weeks on end . I got shot in my eye and lost it when i was 10 .had lots of stays in hospital with trying to save it . Badly broke my leg being pushed off my bike by bullies 4 months off school .I was badly Bullied and left school as early as i could with no qualifications . I went to a residential farm training college for 3 months and was bullied there . Lived in at a Farm for 6 months treated like a slave . Went home aged nearly 17 and got a job as a van lad on milk rounds then passed test and got my own round . At night i went drinking and had some friends but i also had a van and drove them round so i was just tolerated as the driver . I was a Mobile DJ for 14years and did some really big gigs but had to do everything in order or i would go to pieces . I had to give up because i couldn't get out of the house and was sick before some gigs . While i was a DJ i was working on building sites in the day as a labourer and van driver . . I was living with my mother and father . I was the Youngest of four children and they were in their fourties when i came along . I was in my 20's when my father had a stroke . I looked after him and he died 11years after his stroke of another stroke . My mother had Dementia and i looked after her as well . In one Year my Neice died my sister died and my mother died and i had no feelings at all never cried or anything . I have educated myself in the last 10years online and have gone through all the Levels of NVQ in leadership and Management to Level 7 Certificate since i retired through ill health . I have also been bullied into giving people money and taken people to Court and appeared and seen them sent to prison for harrassment . It was thousands of pounds . I volunteer for NHS England nationally as a patient rep in a Clinical Reference group and i am on an external clinical assurance group for (removed by mod) for Uralogical Cancers and Work on Patient Involvement for NHS England New Models Of Care Team Vanguards and i help with a Prostate Cancer Support Group locally . I never do anything socially at night and only go out at night to meetings . Just introducing Myself