Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi, i just registered here after i was advised by my mother to do so.
Let me try and start from the beginning...
I am 32 years old and feel i have had unknown issues since very young but never had the help or info to do anything about it, its currently getting to the point where it seems age is making it worse and i need to actually find help.
Starting from being born almost i have been some what different, i guess you could call it higher functioning, reading, speaking, walking, puzzles at very young age (walking at 6 month, reading shortly after). Just not being like everyone else. I always just understood everything without much need of teaching (autodidact (example, it takes me a day or 2 to learn things like computer coding or 3D modeling, i seem to be able to understand code and such better than english)). None of these thing exactly being that bad, but my head now feels so full of information (which i cannot stop taking in, i just need to know/learn everything) it's feeling very crowded.
If i dont do hard logic puzzles or some hard problems, or design something during my day i get very frustrated and don't know how to cope or outlet the brain steam. Also i find myself having to find information daily such as having to look up movie trivia on anything i watch, if i hear something i dont know i need to immediately find out everything about what it is or i end up feeling ill about it. The only reason i own a mobile phone is as an information finding device i can use anywhere at any time.
Also from a young age i have never understood social situations, cannot understand other peoples emotions (for instance, my wife's grandad died and i litterally had no idea why she was crying about it), i appear to come across tactless to other people even though i very much don't mean to be, i cant use eye contact much if any, cannot use a telephone, hardly ever leave my house as i cant cope with the idea of the outside world. I get very anxious when im outside and sometimes have panic attacks and have to go immediately home. I don't like people to notice me, even people i know (as a child i would cross the street so a school friend wouldnt see me and want to talk, as i wouldnt know what to say).
Speaking of which, i have a problem knowing how to communicate/conversate with people in person, its like my brain switches off and no conversation will come to me at all and i just stand there not knowing what the heck to do.
Also after these type encounters i will go over them in my head again for days at a time, replaying the event over and over thinking how i couldve done different, or what i could/should have actually said.
I feel no one really understands me, and that i dont really belong in this world (not in a i want to die way, just in a belonging sense).
I didnt go to school much at all becuase as a child i suffered sever crohns disease which kept me away for years at a time (which probably didnt help my social issies) so i have never really been seen by anyone about these issues. Another issue is i find it really difficult to leave my house to go to the doctors, so to solve my problem i have to do something that is the problem in the first place, seems like im just stuck.
I don't know what to do and am feeling very frustrated with myself, like my brain is on overload.
All of this i feel is getting worse the older i get.
I have taken several tests online (including an official one) and i scored sky high for Asbergers, but obviously its not infalable.
Im sorry if all of this is just nonsense and nothing to do with anything, but i just wrote anything and everything that came to mind.
Any info or advice would be greatly appreciated
Ben.
AllThingsBen said:Thanks for the replies guys.The problem i have is in actually going to my GP and talking to them, i cant explain things to people in a spoken way, i find it quite easy to communicate via typing etc, but in person im just a muttering wreck, or just silent.I do have anxieties, pretty stupid anxieties when compared to the rational persons type anxieties, i'm anxious people will notice me, i'm anxious people are looking at me, im anxious people recognise me. Also i get anxious every night i try and sleep about things like dying, not knowing what it feels like to not exist, not being able to figure out what that feels like. I have to try and do high powered brain activites late at night just to feel exausted enough to shut my brain off long enough to fall asleep. Another example of very odd anxiety, i get anxious that i cant figure out how to create perpetual motion when the concept seems somewhat logical in my head. These are just tips of the iceberg of my daily brain.I do push myself to venture out now and again, but it might be once per month, anyway i'm side tracking again...Back to the point, how do i actually go through this process if i feel unable to cope with this process? its like a catch 22 situation.I don't tend to get depressed that i know of, but i do have days of unknown funks, just feelings of high frustration, almost screaming at myself in my own head and it takes me a few days to shake.I will look into the books, but i fear they probably still wont help me in the actual pro-active sense. After talking to my mother she always says she wishes she'd taken me to be tested when i was a baby (i used to rock back and forth crying if i wasnt highly stimulated with puzzles etc on a contant basis), but i cant really see that would have changed much really but in a way it would have probably been easier because the anxieties wouldnt have been the same back then, although i do remember some of them, such as age 3 christmas day, i was completely anxious how much money my grandparents had spent on me (they used to be there on the morning as i woke).Anyway rambling again, i look forward to any further replies.Thanks,Ben.
Thanks for the replies guys.
The problem i have is in actually going to my GP and talking to them, i cant explain things to people in a spoken way, i find it quite easy to communicate via typing etc, but in person im just a muttering wreck, or just silent.
I do have anxieties, pretty stupid anxieties when compared to the rational persons type anxieties, i'm anxious people will notice me, i'm anxious people are looking at me, im anxious people recognise me. Also i get anxious every night i try and sleep about things like dying, not knowing what it feels like to not exist, not being able to figure out what that feels like. I have to try and do high powered brain activites late at night just to feel exausted enough to shut my brain off long enough to fall asleep. Another example of very odd anxiety, i get anxious that i cant figure out how to create perpetual motion when the concept seems somewhat logical in my head. These are just tips of the iceberg of my daily brain.
I do push myself to venture out now and again, but it might be once per month, anyway i'm side tracking again...
Back to the point, how do i actually go through this process if i feel unable to cope with this process? its like a catch 22 situation.
I don't tend to get depressed that i know of, but i do have days of unknown funks, just feelings of high frustration, almost screaming at myself in my own head and it takes me a few days to shake.
I will look into the books, but i fear they probably still wont help me in the actual pro-active sense. After talking to my mother she always says she wishes she'd taken me to be tested when i was a baby (i used to rock back and forth crying if i wasnt highly stimulated with puzzles etc on a contant basis), but i cant really see that would have changed much really but in a way it would have probably been easier because the anxieties wouldnt have been the same back then, although i do remember some of them, such as age 3 christmas day, i was completely anxious how much money my grandparents had spent on me (they used to be there on the morning as i woke).
Anyway rambling again, i look forward to any further replies.
Thanks,
Just a thought, but perhaps since you are good at typing etc, you could write down how you feel, your concerns so that you can go and see someone. There are some other online tests that may be more detailed that may help you think about how to interpret how you feel about things overall. When I went to see my GP, I took with me www.rdos.net/.../Aspie-quiz.php this test results and explained how I felt and why I thought it may be correct. I also wrote down "traits" I felt were relevent to me and my reactions, so that I could try and explain how I felt.
It isn't always easy when people ask you " so what make you think you are Autistic?" But if you can take some time to write things down, it may help you get gather your thoughts.
Just an idea, though :)
Good Luck,
Jenn