Hi, Looking for help and info.

Hi guys,

Sorry it took so long to reply, but i had to go to the dentists yesterday (for the first time ever in my life) which kinda consumed my brain until i finally got it over and done with, good thing was though my teeth were 100% perfect so no follow up appointments for a whole year, phew.

Anyway, i finally decided to bite the bullet and my wife made me a doctors appointment today to go tell them about my possible aspergers, so as of friday the 4th i will be offically on the path to diagnosis (or at least i hope i will).

So you reckon i should prepare a list of all my issues to take in for my GP to read? How about things like online test scores, any specific tests i should do and maybe print off the results for??

I'm already fretting like mad and its like 10 days away, i hate how my mind does this to me, the dentist was bad enough.

Any other advice that might help me next friday?

One of my worries about going to the GP is I really hate the feeling of being on the spot and attention being on me, i feel like i'm being judged, or like they'll think i'm making it up and stare or laugh, i know none of this will probably happen but i cant get away from my mind making up these scenarios, did/does anyone else feel like this? I worry they will just think i'm just some idiot loser that's just whining about stuff and should just get out more. My brain just seems to make up scenarios for anything i don't know and i hate it, i just want next friday to be here and over already.

I will update and let everyone know what happens once i've been for others to read if theyre in the same situation.

10 days and counting...

Ben.

Just to add to what the others have said. When I went to the GP to start the process off I had written a brief list of reasons

a) why I thought I had Aspergers e.g. inability to communicate, look people in the eye, not understanding people etc etc

b) why this was a problem for me. e.g. social isolation, depression anxiety, stres with work etc

I gave the piece of paper to the GP who accepted this as an alternative to the usual "what have you come to see me for?" beginning of a discussion. Having it written down made it easier and she referred me to a specialist for diagnosis after asking some questions. The GP didn't seem to know much about it but she didn't stand in my way.

Hi Ben, 

I can certainly understand all your questions. I can only tell you what the process was for me. If you look at : www.aspieblog.co.uk/.../  , this is a blog I wrote about my process, but I will be cutting it up a bit as it can be alot to read in one go. As you might know, us Aspies love small details.:)

Your feelings about belonging, make sense completely. I know that feeling of feeling like you are watching life from the outside. A bit like one of those silly snow domes you shake with christmas scenes. You can see all the things going on, but you are never truely a part of it. So I do get it.

Well that is good that your mum noticed things when you were young, as she will need to mention this on her RQ ( Relations Questionaire). Her info will certainly help get an outsiders view of your behaviour and certainly about things when you were young that perhaps you didn't realise were there.

On a slighly similar note, I gave myself a speech impediment when I was about 8, as I was playing trick on my brothers and started to repeat what they said but with stammer, just to annoy them. However, I did it so much that I couldn't stop myself and had to go to speech therapy for several months to stop. My brothers and I joke now about, how I am the only person in the world who could give herself a speech impediment. :) 

I know it is hard when you just don't have the energy or will to talk to others. But you have to know that it isn't healthy either. Not for you mentally to have an self imposed isolation. The longer this goes on, the harder it will be to get out. It amazes me, how different ASD can be between people and even in my family. My boys are almost polar opposites. My eldest would be happy to stay him all the time, if he could and my youngest wants to go out every day and do new things and meet new people. Both have different social skills. I have one bull in a china shop and one who just keeps to a corner. Perhaps once you've been through a dx process, you would consider working on that issue? I am not saying you are going to start partying every night, but perhaps even just going to local NAS meetings and meeting other people who would understand may help you easy yourself in venturing out?

Jenn

Please feel free to contact me if you want to talk anymore.

Jenn

Hi guys,

Thanks for further replies.

@Jenn_B I took the aspie quiz (www.rdos.net/.../Aspie-quiz.php) and scored 153/200, the end spider graph was pretty much only in the neurodiverse side.

@codger You said "So, how do you go through it? The simple answer is, the same way that you're going through life at the moment" but the way i am going through life at the moment is to stay indoors pretty much all day every day, i dont speak to people and i don't have friends. So how do i deal with doctors and consultants, when i have to talk to someone i can physically and mentally feel myself shutting down and just don't want to be in the situation. After this situation (hours/days) all the words i could have said then come to me after thinking about it all that time (which i cant help but do), "why didnt i just say this" and "i could have said that" but at the time there is just nothing.

So what is the process from start to finish? how long does it take say from today? what are the stages and time lengths?

Im sorry for all the questions but i need everything planned out and played out in my head before i can do anything, if i cant do this, things just dont/cant happen.

I really want to get this diagnosis for myself so i can feel at least like i finally belong, because at the moment i really dont, i do feel a lot better that i am similar to some people after coming here though, but without definites it just doesnt feel enough. Does that even make sense?

My mother told me today that she actually took me to the GP as a child to get sorted, but they just fobbed her off saying she was an over worrying parent all in her head and i was just a quiet shy boy. Speaking of which, i remember as a child (5 or so) i convinced the school and health workers that i was a deaf mute (signing etc) purely so i didnt have to speak to anyone, to such an extent they didnt believe my mother that i wasnt. Even after this i was still just a "quiet odd boy".

Great health and care system eh, although this was the 80's.

Anyway thanks again guys.

Ben.

AllThingsBen said:

Thanks for the replies guys.

The problem i have is in actually going to my GP and talking to them, i cant explain things to people in a spoken way, i find it quite easy to communicate via typing etc, but in person im just a muttering wreck, or just silent.

I do have anxieties, pretty stupid anxieties when compared to the rational persons type anxieties, i'm anxious people will notice me, i'm anxious people are looking at me, im anxious people recognise me. Also i get anxious every night i try and sleep about things like dying, not knowing what it feels like to not exist, not being able to figure out what that feels like. I have to try and do high powered brain activites late at night just to feel exausted enough to shut my brain off long enough to fall asleep. Another example of very odd anxiety, i get anxious that i cant figure out how to create perpetual motion when the concept seems somewhat logical in my head. These are just tips of the iceberg of my daily brain.

I do push myself to venture out now and again, but it might be once per month, anyway i'm side tracking again...

Back to the point, how do i actually go through this process if i feel unable to cope with this process? its like a catch 22 situation.

I don't tend to get depressed that i know of, but i do have days of unknown funks, just feelings of high frustration, almost screaming at myself in my own head and it takes me a few days to shake.

I will look into the books, but i fear they probably still wont help me in the actual pro-active sense. After talking to my mother she always says she wishes she'd taken me to be tested when i was a baby (i used to rock back and forth crying if i wasnt highly stimulated with puzzles etc on a contant basis), but i cant really see that would have changed much really but in a way it would have probably been easier because the anxieties wouldnt have been the same back then, although i do remember some of them, such as age 3 christmas day, i was completely anxious how much money my grandparents had spent on me (they used to be there on the morning as i woke).

Anyway rambling again, i look forward to any further replies.

Thanks,

Ben.

Just a thought, but perhaps since you are good at typing etc, you could write down how you feel, your concerns so that you can go and see someone. There are some other online tests that may be more detailed that may help you think about how to interpret how you feel about things overall. When I went to see my GP, I took with me www.rdos.net/.../Aspie-quiz.php  this test results and explained how I felt and why I thought it may be correct. I also wrote down "traits" I felt were relevent to me and my reactions, so that I could try and explain how I felt. 

It isn't always easy when people ask you " so what make you think you are Autistic?" But if you can take some time to write things down, it may help you get gather your thoughts.

Just an idea, though :)

Good Luck,

Jenn

Hi OnlyBen

Reading your posts, I can honestly say that any AS person could have written it. There's your sign!

It seems to me that your real struggles are in understanding yourself and wondering why you're 'different'. So many of us have spent a life full of confusion, frustration and anxiety just because we know we're different, but we don't know why. I hope that you are comforted to know that your communication difficulties and requirements are common to us all?

I found the process of formal assessment to be very simple. I filled in some questionaires and sent them, and then waited for my appointment which was a simple, 2-hour chat with a guy who told me there and then. As he is a highly regarded chap, I had complete faith in his judgement. There was no long, drawn out process as such, but waiting a year for the appointment was the worst part for me. We don't have great tolerance for such things!

So, how do you go through it? The simple answer is, the same way that you're going through life at the moment, but I know it doesn't help to say so as it doesn't give you any understanding. We can help with that.

Are you able to talk through why you feel unable to face the process? Maybe if you can put it into words, we can try to reassure you. Mostly, we are happier putting things in writing, and surprise, but you've already written enough here to copy off for your doctor!

Thanks for the replies guys.

The problem i have is in actually going to my GP and talking to them, i cant explain things to people in a spoken way, i find it quite easy to communicate via typing etc, but in person im just a muttering wreck, or just silent.

I do have anxieties, pretty stupid anxieties when compared to the rational persons type anxieties, i'm anxious people will notice me, i'm anxious people are looking at me, im anxious people recognise me. Also i get anxious every night i try and sleep about things like dying, not knowing what it feels like to not exist, not being able to figure out what that feels like. I have to try and do high powered brain activites late at night just to feel exausted enough to shut my brain off long enough to fall asleep. Another example of very odd anxiety, i get anxious that i cant figure out how to create perpetual motion when the concept seems somewhat logical in my head. These are just tips of the iceberg of my daily brain.

I do push myself to venture out now and again, but it might be once per month, anyway i'm side tracking again...

Back to the point, how do i actually go through this process if i feel unable to cope with this process? its like a catch 22 situation.

I don't tend to get depressed that i know of, but i do have days of unknown funks, just feelings of high frustration, almost screaming at myself in my own head and it takes me a few days to shake.

I will look into the books, but i fear they probably still wont help me in the actual pro-active sense. After talking to my mother she always says she wishes she'd taken me to be tested when i was a baby (i used to rock back and forth crying if i wasnt highly stimulated with puzzles etc on a contant basis), but i cant really see that would have changed much really but in a way it would have probably been easier because the anxieties wouldnt have been the same back then, although i do remember some of them, such as age 3 christmas day, i was completely anxious how much money my grandparents had spent on me (they used to be there on the morning as i woke).

Anyway rambling again, i look forward to any further replies.

Thanks,

Ben.

Hi Ben,

Don't apologise, your experience isn't nonsense. It sounds like Asperger's or HFA (same thing). Everyone's experience is different but the underlying causes are the same e.g. your difficulty in talking to or relating to other people.

Autism doesn't necessarily need treatment but many people end up with mental health issues that do need treatment. If you have problems (anxiety, depression, social isolation etc) then you should be able to get your GP to refer you for assessment and help with the local mental health specialists. In some areas there are specialist teams that provide specialist support for people with autism - e.g. Bristol has a team with resources and this can be really useful.

Also there are NAS groups in some areas that cater for adults and you would be welcome to go along and see if they can help.

hi OnlyBen

I think a lot of people don't get diagnosed until they are older and even then it's not so easy getting a diagnosis, so a lot of people self diagnose and that helps them to understand things better, so the questionaires you did are probably good indicators. But I am no expert, and there are other people on the site who should be able to help you.

My teenage daughter was referred to a mental health practitioner early last year for depression and anxiety, but it was only this year that it was decided to do some tests to see if she is on the autistic spectrum, and then they only agreed to do the tests because of her anxieties, sensitivities and social worries that she has had all her life.  The practitioner said it wasn't really neccessary to have the tests, and in our are there is no support anyway.  But I do think it was a good idea for her as she is still at school and finds school difficult although she is clever, it's the crowds and noise that cause her a lot of stress and upset.  We are still waiting for the results.

It was suggested I look at this web site and read anything that could give me information.

A couple of books I found useful and interesting are..

'The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome' by Tony Attwood

and 'Asperger's Syndrome for Dummies'

You might be able to borrow them from your local library which is what I have done, or you could buy a book.

Take care.