Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi, i just registered here after i was advised by my mother to do so.
Let me try and start from the beginning...
I am 32 years old and feel i have had unknown issues since very young but never had the help or info to do anything about it, its currently getting to the point where it seems age is making it worse and i need to actually find help.
Starting from being born almost i have been some what different, i guess you could call it higher functioning, reading, speaking, walking, puzzles at very young age (walking at 6 month, reading shortly after). Just not being like everyone else. I always just understood everything without much need of teaching (autodidact (example, it takes me a day or 2 to learn things like computer coding or 3D modeling, i seem to be able to understand code and such better than english)). None of these thing exactly being that bad, but my head now feels so full of information (which i cannot stop taking in, i just need to know/learn everything) it's feeling very crowded.
If i dont do hard logic puzzles or some hard problems, or design something during my day i get very frustrated and don't know how to cope or outlet the brain steam. Also i find myself having to find information daily such as having to look up movie trivia on anything i watch, if i hear something i dont know i need to immediately find out everything about what it is or i end up feeling ill about it. The only reason i own a mobile phone is as an information finding device i can use anywhere at any time.
Also from a young age i have never understood social situations, cannot understand other peoples emotions (for instance, my wife's grandad died and i litterally had no idea why she was crying about it), i appear to come across tactless to other people even though i very much don't mean to be, i cant use eye contact much if any, cannot use a telephone, hardly ever leave my house as i cant cope with the idea of the outside world. I get very anxious when im outside and sometimes have panic attacks and have to go immediately home. I don't like people to notice me, even people i know (as a child i would cross the street so a school friend wouldnt see me and want to talk, as i wouldnt know what to say).
Speaking of which, i have a problem knowing how to communicate/conversate with people in person, its like my brain switches off and no conversation will come to me at all and i just stand there not knowing what the heck to do.
Also after these type encounters i will go over them in my head again for days at a time, replaying the event over and over thinking how i couldve done different, or what i could/should have actually said.
I feel no one really understands me, and that i dont really belong in this world (not in a i want to die way, just in a belonging sense).
I didnt go to school much at all becuase as a child i suffered sever crohns disease which kept me away for years at a time (which probably didnt help my social issies) so i have never really been seen by anyone about these issues. Another issue is i find it really difficult to leave my house to go to the doctors, so to solve my problem i have to do something that is the problem in the first place, seems like im just stuck.
I don't know what to do and am feeling very frustrated with myself, like my brain is on overload.
All of this i feel is getting worse the older i get.
I have taken several tests online (including an official one) and i scored sky high for Asbergers, but obviously its not infalable.
Im sorry if all of this is just nonsense and nothing to do with anything, but i just wrote anything and everything that came to mind.
Any info or advice would be greatly appreciated
Ben.
hi OnlyBen
I think a lot of people don't get diagnosed until they are older and even then it's not so easy getting a diagnosis, so a lot of people self diagnose and that helps them to understand things better, so the questionaires you did are probably good indicators. But I am no expert, and there are other people on the site who should be able to help you.
My teenage daughter was referred to a mental health practitioner early last year for depression and anxiety, but it was only this year that it was decided to do some tests to see if she is on the autistic spectrum, and then they only agreed to do the tests because of her anxieties, sensitivities and social worries that she has had all her life. The practitioner said it wasn't really neccessary to have the tests, and in our are there is no support anyway. But I do think it was a good idea for her as she is still at school and finds school difficult although she is clever, it's the crowds and noise that cause her a lot of stress and upset. We are still waiting for the results.
It was suggested I look at this web site and read anything that could give me information.
A couple of books I found useful and interesting are..
'The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome' by Tony Attwood
and 'Asperger's Syndrome for Dummies'
You might be able to borrow them from your local library which is what I have done, or you could buy a book.
Take care.