Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi everyone. I'm Kate, 23 and just qualified as a nurse. I have a daughter- Lily who is amazing in every way and such a little character.
She has always passed assessments completed by the health visitor with no concerns except for her speech - this was due to deafness but grommets solved this just before her second birthday in May!
When I first noticed her hearing was off (around 9 months old) I asked the health visitor to come out as I had a gut instinct she was autistic however I was assured her behaviours were more or less down to recurrent ear infections and nlt being able to hear. Her behaviours at this young age were things like hardly any eye contact (Only when Lily wanted to), no name response, slight hand flap and also a thing she done with her eyes (putting them to a side to look at people rather than turning round) .. We found all these things endearing and loved her for them, she makes us laugh so much everyday!
Lily was 2 in May and that gut feeling of autism has always been there. Now her behaviours are severe hand flapping, spinning, lack of eye contact, no name response, doesn't mix well with children, bites herself when frustrated, likes her own space (removes my hand from her leg etc), no words spoken, tipping toes, jumping whilst making high pitch noises while spinning, looking at things from different angles as mentioned "side eyes", sometimes will want things in a certain way e.g a teddy on her left and if it's moved will get upset. There's probably more but it's hard to list them. Also mainly instigates cuddles with my only and even than it basically on her terms haha. She is very very loving but a trust has to be in place first.
At her two month assessment I expressed all this as some of the autistic traits are well known- and although a lot of it could be down to learning sounds and new words following her grommets operation, the assessor agreed a referral must be made to determine if Lily is autistic. The social-emotional part of the questionnaire wasnot passed this time although previously it has been When she was younger.
Lily has has also started getting upset in nursery to the point where she bit herself because she was put into group activity and didn't like it :( also when her arm got stuck getting dressed due to frustrstion she bit herself. Nursery have agreed with my referral and worries as they have noticed the same traits plus they've mentioned Lily completely zoned out into day dreams at times for 5-10 minutes.
I am very patient with Lily but I have no experience of autism. I have had sleepless nights reading etc but I was wondering how do I now react to her behaviours such as biting herself or me? Do I tell her off? If she gets upset about something which may be down to autism do I show discipline or not?
I tend to give her a look and a stern voice and explain its naughty, as well as comforting her when she is really upset, but the question is, U.S. Her behaviour actually naughty? Can she help this?
I am aware I have not got a confirmed diagnosis and appreciate she might not be autistic but all family members and also nursery staff have now expressed concerns. It would also be useful to hear other people's opinions I an aware only a professional can make this diagnosis but hearing other people's experiences would be fantastic.
Lily's nursery and health visitor have been fantastic settig up 1 on 1 speech and launguage (yet to commence) as well as play plans for nursery. Which in hoping will helpher
I would love to hear everyone's experiences and appriciate any advice.
kate xx
Hi,
Disciplining an autistic child is a tricky thing, and what works for one child may not work for another. I'll try to give you my own perspective, but as much as I'd love to give you an instruction manual on how to perfectly raise an autistic child, I can't! :)
Very often, I don't believe our behaviours are actually naughty. I'm reminded of myself when I see shows like It's Me or the Dog, in which the dog is very aggressive or otherwise displaying undesirable behaviour, and it nearly always turns out the behaviour started from fear. I can relate to animals a lot. I remember a lot of occasions when I was told off, but I remember none when I behaved the way I did purely for the fun of being naughty. I'm pretty sure there was always a root of fear, confusion or distress, however small, to my bad behaviour, though I can only see this in retrospect.
We generally respond well to methods focused on rewarding good behaviour rather than punishing bad. For example, statements such as 'If you do x you'll get y,' rather than 'If you do/don't do x then you won't get y.' I was no different, even when my mum was trying to encourage me to revise for my GCSEs I found the offer of a lollipop to suck while I did it hard to say no to. :)
Again, it's much like training a dog. If a dog's punished for something that to it is natural, or it doesn't understand why it's being punished, it can become stressed and fearful which can lead to more bad behaviours, or it can learn to wait until its owner's gone before it, for example, urinates on the floor. I think the brain of an autistic child may work in a similar way.
Absolutely don't punish her for biting herself. That, I imagine, would be more likely to make her do it more than stop it. She may be doing this for tactile stimulation, which may be comforting in times of frustration if she's a tactile sensory seeker (which I am). I don't find pain pleasurable because I'm hyper- rather than hypotactile (lack of sensitivity to touch), which I imagine is the one she would be if she bites herself for a sensory reason. Maybe she feels the need to bite things. Some children like this benefit from a chew toy, which you could maybe give her as an alternative.