Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi, I live with my partner who has aspergers he was diagnosed almost 2 years ago and he's 30. He hasn't had or been offered any support and althought Iv messaged verious people that shoul be able to help involving autism including the people who diagnosed him iv had no replys or iv had promises of being contacted and still nothing. I just wish there was some help.. Anything. My partner has a community service worker he talks to once a month, she has a son with aspergers... She claims to understand yet tells him he should go to the doctors for depression tablets... An tells him to do things she full well knows he just won't/can't do.. She also said to him I should be able to tell what he's feeling automatically even when he doesn't show it because after you have been around someone with aspergers for so many years you just know- which didn't go down well with him because then he started to be against me. Im not sure if she's right or not prehaps she is... I just dont think she's helping in anyway- I tried to point out that perhaps a mother son connections helps her, but he's still angry at me because now I'm supose to magically know everything. I try and most of the time I know when he is upset or angry. I just feel like I'm being given false advice and it really isn't helping. Is there any help?
After counselling for dealing with an inappropriate long term sexual text/telephone conversation that my husband had with another woman, which almost detsroyed me, yet another counsellor suggested that I investigate further as to whether he had Aspergers, something I had always joked about with him because of his rather bizarre behaviour, comments and lack of emotion.
Several months later he finally agreed to read Apergers in Love and he himself has totally agreed that he identifies with the examples on practically every level. At first, on reading, we were able to chat and laugh and finally I felt I was able to explain to him just why I find some of his behaviour so unacceptable, hurtful and downright mean and that he had finally opened his ears and that his brain was listening to me and that we would now be able to move forward together, however, the very next day, the man who got up in the morning was tearful and angry with me and himself, me for exposing this to him and himself because he always knew it but now could not protect himself anylonger from the reality.
We have known each other for many years and I have always loved him but we only re-united 5 years ago and have been married for 4. I can honestly say that until now sometimes there have been periods of loneliness that I never experienced even as a single parent! I have found it difficult to understand why no-one, in my view, loved him enough to understand his behaviour and to help him change small things that could make a difference or at least to highlight area's where recognition of his actions/words could have perhaps been modified. His mother has always said, he as always an odd little boy........
I suppose the path is a long and tricky one, at the moment his attitude is "well this behaviour is normal for people like me", and whilst I know that this is true there is also part of me that wants and hopes to believe that if he is more aware of this then there may be certain things that he will think about and perhaps stop himself from saying or doing the things he does, or am I just completely fooling myself?
I am hoping to find a support group near me where I can learn to laugh again at some of the absurdities that I live with, or at least where I can be reassured that I am not barking mad or stupid or the only person in the world living like this .....