Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi,
Just joined today.
I'm a 32 year old mum to five kids, my eldest was diagnosed with ASD last year. It didn't really enter my head that I could possibly be on the spectrum myself until very recently. I'm pretty sure his dad had ASD because they are so alike, so it didn't really cross my mind to look at myself. I have a long history of mental health problems, but aside from being misdiagnosed with bipolar and BPD, it's never been got to the bottom of. I've gone through some fairly distressing stuff over the years, so some of my problems could easily be explained away with that, but there are other things that I feel indicate ASD. To be honest, if my son hadn't been diagnosed it probably would never have crossed my mind. But the more I think about it, the more it makes sense. I'm pretty sure I see thing in my dad as well. My two youngest children show some signs but it's hard to tell because they're so young and I wouldn't want to put what could possibly be simply slow to catch up, down to anything else.
Anyway, I've asked to be assessed because I feel I need to know either way. I also think that if I'm right, then perhaps I could be given the right kind of help. I want normal things like a job for instance, but I am SO scared to interact with people for any real length of time, or be out of my safe zone, anxiety has just stopped me and I'm fed up with it. It would be nice to feel like I can have friends as well. I don't keep friends, never have done. Didn't have any as a kid, and it didn't bother me as I was content with my own company. But it bothers me now because I see people having friends and it looks nice. I'd like to feel ok to commit to people. Which sounds ridiculous when I'm married and have children! But getting close and committing to people doesn't come naturally to me. Kind of worried my husband will look at me differently if we find that I do in fact have ASD. That really worries me actually, and is the only thing that puts me off. Otherwise, I think it would be beneficial.
I have rambled on enough. I hope everyone is well :)
Hello MoonandStars, and welcome! I hope you're finding it useful to be on here.
I too have a 'long history of mental health problems' and looking back, I can see that they are a direct result of the lack of understanding, by and of ourselves, and the mistreatment we get as a result. We are forced to isolate ourselves as much as possible from a world that will inevitably hurt us if we don't. On here, we make our own world where we all understand each other and the difficulties we face, and I've never felt so 'amongst friends' in my entire life.
I hope you find some acceptance here and are comforted by it.
I'm trying to get some more women involved in a discussion of the difficulties with female diagnosis, and I would like to ask you if you would look at the thread Involvement of family-Adult diagnosis. There might be something there that helps you understand yourself, you might see your own experience in the discussion, and you will definitely have something to contribute, BUT, please never feel that you HAVE to, you don't have to do anything that you aren't comfortable with.
If it is right for you, then I wish you the joy of a positive diagnosis - it's very empowering.