Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello,
I am twenty-six years old and was diagnosed last week with Asperger's.
I was diagnosed with bipolarity, depression and anxiety disorders as a child and was found to be dyslexic when I was around seven or eight years old. I always had a hard time interacting with people and would get anxious when my routine was disturbed, but my parents thought it had to do with my other disorders and mostly ignored them. As I got older, I continued having issues and it was earlier this year that someone asked me if I was austistic due to my behavior (apparently her son is autistic and had similar traits). I was a little taken aback and felt suddenly very self-concious as I did not know this person well. I said, no, I wasn't, but ever since that conversation, I began to wonder. I went to see my GP for my regular yearly physical and asked her about a referal to a local diagnostian. She asked why and I said I wanted to speak to someone about the possiblity of me being autistic. She agreed, stating she'd often wondered herself. I had my appointment and was told they would let me know.
Last week I received a phone call from the diagnostian's office with my results. They told me I had mild to moderate Asperger's Syndrome. I was shocked as I honestly did not think I could be (I was never exposed to anyone with autisum until I was in CEGEP, so I didn't really understand it or how it affected people). So I looked up the material they directed me to and read up on the diagnois I was given. After reading through symptoms and traits, I realized it was blindingly obvious that this was what was causing my bizarre behavior. While surprising, actually knowing what was causing this made me feel... well, better. Finally knowing the cause made me feel almost free.
I have not told my family (their view on mental illness and autisum is not wonderful and they would likely consider it attention seeking behavior or an exaggeration), but I did tell my fiance. I was nervous to tell him. I panicked at the thought of him leaving me because of this, because I was different, because maybe he wouldn't understand. He came home to me crying, in mid-panic attack, shaking on our couch. He sat down beside me, hugged me and asked what was wrong. I had had a perfectly planned speech and explaination in my head before, had practiced it in the mirror until it was perfect, but all that came out was "I have Asperger's!" admid a new flood of tears. He held me tighter, kissed my forehead and said "I thought so. I love you and having the diagnosis doesn't change that." I was so thankful for his reaction.
But now I'm not sure what to do. Does this change how I should be acting? Should I seek treatment? I had done cognitive behavioral therapy from thirteen to twentyone years old, should I go back? Do I need to tell employers? Friends? How do I bring it up? Should I?
This may be a bit unrelated, but i got a question. I have been trying to get on somekinda waiting lists for support groups for a few months now and when finally met up with my support worker, she advised that nearest support group is quite far and only acessible via bus(Youd think theyd put some more consideration in the location of such groups as am sure im not the only aspie who finds traveling via busses rather terrifying!), plus you gotta pay to attend, which is another source of worry as considering i can only cope with part time, its not like i exactly earn alot. However, it does seem like the ony option i might ever be able to make any friends, thus would still like to go. However i was wondering if theres any way to seach for these sort of groups via distance or something or where id find any info about if there were maybe any less formal gatherings for aspies that might be closer or more easiy acessible? Also, as far as the support groupd go, i dont actually know what they do in these or if they any good, is there anybody here that actually attends one? Has it helped?