Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi All
As my user name suggests I am a frustrated dad with a son who has just turned 5 and have been told he has ASD by the paediatrician but have to wait up to a year to get an official diagnosis.
This is just the start of my frustrations,anger,sadness for my beautiful little boy.
My frustration is having to wait so long before he can get any help (although he did get to see a speech therapist for the first time today).
My anger at my in laws for passing this gene on (his uncle and first cousin both have it but don't seem to care) I can't talk to my wife about my feelings about this as she gets all defensive and I am left to bottle up my anger.
And my sadness that my little boy probably won't grow up to live the normal life that others take for granted.
His uncle as mentioned above is 22 had never had a job ,a girlfriend or any sort of life whatsoever he just stays indoors 24/7 doing absolutely nothing, my fear that my son's life will mirror his uncles fills me with nothing but sadness,dread and fear for his future years.
My son is glued to my side and at times it feels like I am a single parent as he only wants to do everything with me and not my wife which upsets her immensely and no matter how hard we try for him to interact more with his mum he's just not interested.
Appologies for the ramble but it just seems as I'm the dad I should be strong, aloof almost and on the outside I am but on the inside it's turmoil and my frustration is about to burst
rancid said:My anger at my in laws for passing this gene on (his uncle and first cousin both have it but don't seem to care) I can't talk to my wife about my feelings about this as she gets all defensive and I am left to bottle up my anger.
If your wife has passed the genes to your son then she may be affected too. It is sometimes not obvious that someone is affected, I had managed 56 years before I was diagnosed and had led a fairly normal life up till then. Women also show different behaviours so the condition appears different in men and women.
This may go some way to explaining why your son clings to you. You may appear to be more emotionally expressive and caring to your son and he may be responding to that. This doesn't mean that she doesn't care but that she is perhaps less able to exhibit her caring side.
She may also struggle with difficult conversations - particularly where blame is being attached to her side of the family? This could, again, be related to autistic behaviour.
It is also possible that her differentness may be one reason why you were attracted to her in the first place. People with autism often stand out and are plain speaking honest people that can be attractive.
There is a lot of speculation in what I have written so I hope I haven't offended. Some of it may well be wide of the mark in this case and I am only speaking from an understanding of how it affects me and from reading a lot on this site.