Published on 12, July, 2020
Drs and Social services are involved, but school is not helping!!
I have a child who is very difficult. I firmly believe he has autism, as he has difficulty in understanding other peoples emotions as well as his own. He cant connect Action and Concequence and has very stange behaviours like digging up dead pets to look at them or wiping dog muck in the mens toilets at the pub, he has no sense of danger, will happily open a child proofed window and hanf out of it.... I am unable to leave him alone for any amount of time for fear that he will do something stupid.
He struggles in social situations, struggles to make friends, doesnt want to play anyone elses games but wants to play his own.I have locks on all the doors in the house - Livingroom because kept going in at 4 in the morning to watch tv, drawing on the tv, messing with things that are not his - watching things that are not appropriate. The kitchen is locked because he goes in to steal sweeties, crips and cakes (as well as take and play with knives and other things that he shouldnt be touching) my bedroom because he messes with things that do not belong to him and took adult themed books from my bedroom to read (you might not think thats a lot, but if your asked not to do something and repeatedly do it, despite being punished, over and over and over and over again surely thats a problem?)There has been a long list of problems that where picked up by professionals the minute he started nursry at 2 years old. Since this this time have repeatedly been to the doctors to try to get him professionally assessed. From rubbing his hands in someone elses sick, to taking all his clothes off in a soft play area and running naked through the place.......My son is 7 years old. He ran away from home recently, got on the tram, and bus and went to his aunties...... a 45 minute journey away...... all because he didnt want to sit on his bed because of an action that he did that wasnt right.He then told the his school that his dad was beating him and that was the reason he ran away, which the school took to heart and reported to social services. - this was all untrue.My son lies constantly...... to either get himself out of trouble or to get someone else into trouble so that he gets out of trouble. He has no thought to how that makes other people look or feel. Even things like - having a poo and not flushing the toilet - you know its him, he knows its him but he wont just say "oh yes, sorry i forgot" its made into a big thing then he is punished for lying!Social services and now involved and are treating us like we are evil scum of the earth - - - but where where they 5 years ago when i WAS TELLING healthcare professionals that there was a problem with his behaviour? Why has it got to this for them to give us some help and support?
I have so many unanswered questions - I just want him to be happy.... I just want to be happy.... i want life to be peaceful and happy!I cant cope with his behavior as well as chastisement by the school - Every day they have something to say about his behaviour or his work.... and most the time its bull! because they are not supporting him in the right way!!! and he finds it so hard to express his emotions... so just has a meltdown.
Im terrified of what is going to happen. My relationship in on the rocks because of it.... my partners daughter doesnt want to come to see us because of the way my son treats her, the way hes nasty to here, the fact that when shes here my son gets that jealous that he plays ups and is vile so that he can have all the attention - even if it is negative, to the point that my partners daughter pushed out or upset. I cant cope, I am not coping................i am treated with such disprespect by my son, despite trying to teach him to do the right thing, or speak in the right way or to act nicely...... "Get your shoes on please J" No... no no no no no no ...... Just blatant disrespect!I dont know what to do anymore. Social services are "trying" (by coming here and pointing the finger at us) to help but it isnt comring quick enough - I need a diagnosis so I can be supported to support j in the right way.Everybody blames me - but its not me its my son, its his behaviour.... but yet because hes a child he can do no wrong and must be seen as the victim - Hes not! We are. We are a victim of his behaviour. My life is falling apart and I cant stop it. I cant deal with it, I cant stop worring or stressing about it..... J doesnt care that I cry, j doesnt care i dont sleep, j doesnt care!..... and it feels like the only person he does care about is himself and what he wants to do. I love him, I love him more that anything but i resent him, because of his behaviour, because he doesnt learn, because he doesnt care............... and that makes me feel like such a bad mother and evil person.Im depressed because i am not recieving any support from the proper services...........
Whats your opinion..... am i describing autism? a spectrum of autism..... ADD...... is there even something wrong?
I first want to thank you all for the support, good feelings, love and respect I am receiving. Its really nice to feel supported by you guys especially when I have felt so hopeless for so long.
Couple of answers and a couple of points.
Both myself and my partner work full time and its very difficult for us to take time off. Most parenting classes run during the working week and not of a weekend. Its very upsetting when you phone to arrange a parenting class to be told "There is nothing we can do for you if you are unwilling to come to the schedualed classes" - We are NOT unwilling.... but being on a low income in jobs that specify "IF you dont work you dont get paid"... its kind of tough to loose a days wage....... when they could arrange a class on a saturday!
We have began to parent our son as if he HAS got Austism, lots of calm assertive tones, wall charts, flow charts - Sticking to rountine as much as possible ect - we still have to keep doors locked and he has to be with one of us at all times.... its early days so hopefully there will be an inprovement in day to day life.
The issue we had with the dead pet:
Milo was a rabbit, only a baby about 7 months old. Rabbits are prey animals and we think that the fireworks last year(although they live in the kitchen in the winter) scared him and he had a heart attack.
We did not initally tell the children as we found him in the morning and the children had to go to school. My son was told when we got home from school. We had to leave the rabbit out in a box on the landing outside (it was very cold).
I gently explained to my son that I had some sad news and told him that this morning we found milo had died.
First thing that my son did was burst into tears. This didnt last long and he was more interested in seeing milo
J helped me get milo out of the box and held him and kissed him, and then wrap him in a blanket (so he wouldnt get cold ) and in an old pillow case.
We then went inside and drew a happy goodbye picture - J's was a picture of our family with Milo flying in the sky in rabbit heaven.
When his dad got home, he dug a hold in the back garden, quiet, out of the way where the children do not noramally play and we took the children down (j carried milo) and we held a funeral. It was very sad and both children did cry.
For several days after we encouraged the children to discuss milo and their feelings on the subject.
I think we handled this situation very well.
about 2 weeks later - my female rabbit gave birth to 4 kits - all of whom died. We did not tell the children about this and I burried them with their father.
My son went into the garden alone at some point about 6 weeks ago and dug up all the animals. I did not know this till 2 days later and it was my partner that noticed it - he found the teatowl the kits where wrapped in lying in the middle of the grass. - now..... was it a fox? no..... when we buried them we put a large plank of wood with bricks on top to stop any foxes.
We asked my son what had happened and he denied it initially, but then told the truth.
We where shocked and upset, but he showed no emotion and couldnt understand why we where so upset with him. When asked why he throught that was ok, he just said "I wanted to see milo" - I asked him if he understood what death was and what would happpen to milos body when we buried him and he said yes.
- 2 points to this - this is not the first thing that he has done that has shocked me:
1 - Rubbing his hands in someone elses vomit - when told (in a group) not to go near it.
2) getting dog poo from under a fence and wiping it all in the mens toilet
3) facination with water - happily go into resturant toilets and spray himself with the water (turning taps on full and putting thumbs underneath.
All these things i think suggest 1) lack of emotions - or a lack of understanding when it comes to other peoples emotions and why we reacted the way that we did.
2) a facination with anything liquid oor things that are soft and can be smeared - water especially (my boy can have a shower - be in there for 15 minutes and just dance excitedly in the water.... and forget about washing himself, or stand at the sink with his hands submerged in water, shaking with excitement and just staring at his hands)
I want to know where I would go to get my son assessed for Austism and Aspergers - Can any of you guys help?
Ps
Please dont fight! I have love and respect for you all and all of your opinions
xx