Published on 12, July, 2020
Drs and Social services are involved, but school is not helping!!
I have a child who is very difficult. I firmly believe he has autism, as he has difficulty in understanding other peoples emotions as well as his own. He cant connect Action and Concequence and has very stange behaviours like digging up dead pets to look at them or wiping dog muck in the mens toilets at the pub, he has no sense of danger, will happily open a child proofed window and hanf out of it.... I am unable to leave him alone for any amount of time for fear that he will do something stupid.
He struggles in social situations, struggles to make friends, doesnt want to play anyone elses games but wants to play his own.I have locks on all the doors in the house - Livingroom because kept going in at 4 in the morning to watch tv, drawing on the tv, messing with things that are not his - watching things that are not appropriate. The kitchen is locked because he goes in to steal sweeties, crips and cakes (as well as take and play with knives and other things that he shouldnt be touching) my bedroom because he messes with things that do not belong to him and took adult themed books from my bedroom to read (you might not think thats a lot, but if your asked not to do something and repeatedly do it, despite being punished, over and over and over and over again surely thats a problem?)There has been a long list of problems that where picked up by professionals the minute he started nursry at 2 years old. Since this this time have repeatedly been to the doctors to try to get him professionally assessed. From rubbing his hands in someone elses sick, to taking all his clothes off in a soft play area and running naked through the place.......My son is 7 years old. He ran away from home recently, got on the tram, and bus and went to his aunties...... a 45 minute journey away...... all because he didnt want to sit on his bed because of an action that he did that wasnt right.He then told the his school that his dad was beating him and that was the reason he ran away, which the school took to heart and reported to social services. - this was all untrue.My son lies constantly...... to either get himself out of trouble or to get someone else into trouble so that he gets out of trouble. He has no thought to how that makes other people look or feel. Even things like - having a poo and not flushing the toilet - you know its him, he knows its him but he wont just say "oh yes, sorry i forgot" its made into a big thing then he is punished for lying!Social services and now involved and are treating us like we are evil scum of the earth - - - but where where they 5 years ago when i WAS TELLING healthcare professionals that there was a problem with his behaviour? Why has it got to this for them to give us some help and support?
I have so many unanswered questions - I just want him to be happy.... I just want to be happy.... i want life to be peaceful and happy!I cant cope with his behavior as well as chastisement by the school - Every day they have something to say about his behaviour or his work.... and most the time its bull! because they are not supporting him in the right way!!! and he finds it so hard to express his emotions... so just has a meltdown.
Im terrified of what is going to happen. My relationship in on the rocks because of it.... my partners daughter doesnt want to come to see us because of the way my son treats her, the way hes nasty to here, the fact that when shes here my son gets that jealous that he plays ups and is vile so that he can have all the attention - even if it is negative, to the point that my partners daughter pushed out or upset. I cant cope, I am not coping................i am treated with such disprespect by my son, despite trying to teach him to do the right thing, or speak in the right way or to act nicely...... "Get your shoes on please J" No... no no no no no no ...... Just blatant disrespect!I dont know what to do anymore. Social services are "trying" (by coming here and pointing the finger at us) to help but it isnt comring quick enough - I need a diagnosis so I can be supported to support j in the right way.Everybody blames me - but its not me its my son, its his behaviour.... but yet because hes a child he can do no wrong and must be seen as the victim - Hes not! We are. We are a victim of his behaviour. My life is falling apart and I cant stop it. I cant deal with it, I cant stop worring or stressing about it..... J doesnt care that I cry, j doesnt care i dont sleep, j doesnt care!..... and it feels like the only person he does care about is himself and what he wants to do. I love him, I love him more that anything but i resent him, because of his behaviour, because he doesnt learn, because he doesnt care............... and that makes me feel like such a bad mother and evil person.Im depressed because i am not recieving any support from the proper services...........
Whats your opinion..... am i describing autism? a spectrum of autism..... ADD...... is there even something wrong?
Hi Yummymummy140386.
You could be describing our grandson! He has all these issues as well (and many many more) and is now 14. We walk about with a bunch of keys on us to all our doors...its the only way to keep him and our possessions safe.
The first thing I would advise you to do is to throw the guilt out of the window...its a waste of your time and your energy and will only make you feel worse.You will need that energy to fight the good fight!
Then I would print of a list of common autistic traits and behaviours and make yourself a nice clear tick chart so that any expert looking at it will be able to see, very quickly, the issues that are worrying you (I know how hard it is to talk to an expert about the difficulties because ...well ..where do you start???). So have it all written down. This will also give you a clear indication yourself of how many of the common traits your son has. Also sit on your computer and do the AQ test on behalf of your son...this will highlight problems but not diagnose.
I would definately ask to see a different GP at your surgery. You are not asking your GP to diagnose your child but merely to refer you on to somebody who can so he/ she isn't doing their job properly. Your son sounds very high functioning and its not unusual for the parent to diagnose the child long before any expert in the field. You are the expert here on your child.
Try to remain as calm as you can (its really hard..we are all human). Just because your son is high functioning and very verbal, doesn't mean that he isn't having trouble communicating his fear, his confusion and his inability to understand the world. You can be very high functioning and extremely autistic all at the same time. Our grandson certainly is. Many of these behaviours could be coping strategies for him, a way to release some of the anxiety he feels. Our grandson strips wallpaper, pulls tufts out of the carpets and starts fires when he is anxious.
Its quite likely that your son can't see consequence and has difficulty making choices (this comes from an inability to prioritze). This means that he may find it difficult decide on a proper course of action and is often tempted to engage in activity that is damaging, risky or just downright not allowed. Its exasperating for parents because it seems that no matter how many times you tell them its not allowed they never seem to learn. Our grandson lives in the moment. He can't imagine a future and you also need imagination to remember the past.
What looks like disrespect can sometimes just be that your child is struggling to understand what you want or can't concentrate on what you are saying. Our grandson is a very rigid thinker and can't switch from one subject to another like a neurotypical person...I guess its like having a stuck record in your head that you can't turn off. I find that I have to condition myself to react differently and to quietly and calmly keep asking our grandson to do something...sometimes rephrasing or just turning his head towards me to break into his consciousness.