Autism or anxiety ? New adult

Hi, I am in a very similar position to you.  I found it helpful to write a diary of when I felt anxious and tried to analyse why exactly i felt this.  I came to the conclusion that some of it was sensory and some due to lack of understanding re social cues, expectations etc.  I have since seen my gp who arranged an assessment for me on the NHS (took with me info for GPs from the NAS website as well as info from the NICE website that should be on the same NAS page along with my AQ test for adults score).  

I also had some councelling with a great councellor who specialises in ASCs and this has helped me enormously (in terms of understanding problems from my past, identity, anxiety, self-esteem, sensory issues, social understanding).  I started very unsure of my ideas of having autism and now have a much better understanding of what seems to be the impact on me, and I am less anxious, happier, have more energy etc.  Also did lots of reading.  I was very drained when I started and kept getting ill.  It was very hard to take the first step to go to see someone.

I hope this is helpful.

Hi Hippy chick

You might find the work of Tania Marshall helpful. She has studied autism in women and girls and has written about the female profile of aspergers. She has produced a long list of characterisics of autism in women. It was her work which finally convinced me that I was on the spectrum, because she talks about some of the more easily recogniseable traits/behaviours shown in female autism. You can find her list via google, adult women with aspergers syndrome: moving towards a female profile...... etc

I hope you find it useful, best wishes.

Black and White thinking (aka dichotomous thinking or "splitting") is a common root, as recognised by psychiatrists and psychologists, for a lot of anxiety and depression and other mental problems.

If you can spot yourself doing it then you can question yourself and ask whether a reasonable/normal person would think like that. I'm not sure why this happens with autistic spectrum people but it may be that we avoid social contact so we avoid situations where other people could challenge us to be more reasonable.

You should be able to get some help with your problems through your GP. You may have to make a big effort to tell him/her that your mental health is really suffering.

Alternatively, is your son being seen by any professionals? You could ask their advice about how to pursue the matter - they may be able to help you get a referral.

Thanks for your advice, I do find it difficult not to be hard on myself because of frustration.  

The black/ white comment Struck a chord as my sis has mentioned this. Plus my family have commented on my negativity And not going places etc.

Yes I would like to improve my skills so that I can get through situations.  I would also like to reduce my anxiety prior to going places as this is also draining ( along with covering up) and feel exhausted some days. I would also like to be able to work but worried about the interactions / talking plus worried I might Miss something or make mistakes.  Plus the constant worrying prior to starting work is a problem. 

I do not know how to overcome this.  

thanks 

Keeping up appearances seems to be particularly common problem for female aspies. Perhaps men, such as me, are more oblivious and don't even try? Maintaining the charade/facade is draining and can be damaging if it goes on too long.

I think it is good to accept that you have autism and therefore understand that social interaction is harder than for NT folk. You can learn some techniques to improve your skills but I think it is also important to try and be less harsh in criticising oneself. We are often a bit black and white in our thinking (on top of the social/communication issues) and we can end up bullying ourselves for the mistakes that we make.

Thanks very much for all your help And advice.  Yes each day seems a struggle with constant fear of situations and thinking how can I avoid this/ that.  as much as I try to cover it up, there are times when it's impossible or I have not understood something.  

its becoming drainingwhat will have a look at the books.  

Thanks

Welcome to the community

It is very common for people to discover that they are autistic after a lifetime of anxiety and other disorders. Your story sounds very typical and I would suspect that you would get a diagnosis if you need one (I managed 56 years without a diagnosis but ended up in a bad place mentally/work-wise and I was then diagnosed)

Autism is often inherited and it sounds as though your son may be affected, perhaps your parents were different too in some way to average folk? I have a suspicion that we also end up with non-average partners too.

I had suspicions before I was diagnosed and I read a book by Valerie Gaus www.amazon.co.uk/.../1606236342 . This gave me some very positive messages and the hope that it is possible to cope very well with Aspergers/HFA. It also gives some practical strategies and things to do to overcome your problems. My last year, since diagnosis, has been much better with less stress/anxiety/depression./confrontation with the NT world. Asperger's is a problem but it is a problem that can be overcome and it is a puzzle that can be solved in lots of ways. It can't be cured but it can be understood and dealt with day to day.

If you want to know more about the syndrome then Tony Attwoods complete guide to Aspergers is a comrpehensive and readable description - very good for understanding the common behaviours.