Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi Everyone. I seem to be a bit of a rarity after checking out lots of ASD forums.
I have been Married 34 years to My Husband and Have 2 grown up sons aged 31 and 33. Our Youngest Son was diagnosed ADD at 10 years of age and Our eldest Son Suffers terribly from Anxiety and other issues and is also currently awaiting to be assessed for ASD. My Husband has always had problems with His Mental Health and inability to maintain what is considered ''Normal'' behaviour.
I will probably add lots more in different posts as I try to find help and answers to Our problems and Questions. You may see Me use ''Our'' and ''We'' a lot in My posts as I am pretty much My Husbands ''Wing Man'' and it affects us both, The problems He has.
My Husband had a Complete Breakdown in October 2013 and We are still trying to get Him back to somewhere near His previous functioning.
He had been receiving treatment for Anxiety and Depression from 2012 which was not working and things became so bad that in October 2013 He was calmly telling Me about His plans to hang Himself at work, Before becoming almost completley Catatonic for 2 weeks.
After an urgent Psych assessment at Home, The Psychiatrist who came decided after talking to Him for 1 hour and 10 minutes, That He had Adjustment Disorder with traits of Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder!
Anyway 18 mths later, My Husband has been on the Enhanced Care Pathway for Complex Mental Health since March 2014 and despite taking various cocktails of SSRI's SNRI's, Anti Psychotics, Anti Anxiety Meds and Diazepam, He is still unable to function in any way resembling His old self Without 24/7 care and support from Me.
Eventually 5 months ago His Care Coordinator after visiting Us at home Asked if He had ever been assessed for ASD. This comment was made whilst My Husband was sat in His chair With His eyes closed,Rocking, Shaking and Jerking, Whilst alternating between Rubbing His Head and Twisting One hand continuously!
I can not believe I did not realise sooner! I was a Support Worker for 10 years for Young adults with ASD and Challenging behaviour and although over the Years I thought Hubby may have ADD, like Our Son or at times Bipolar I just did not See what in hindsight was so obvious, And for that I feel guilty that He was not helped earlier.
Anyway That is the Brief run down that has brought Me here and I am hoping to gain more insight and support and hopefully see My Husband return back to some form of independence. Thanks for Listening!
Thanks again people for Your supportive comments.
As I said, My Husband has struggled all of His life with trying to make sense not only of the world We live in but Also Himself. He had a very unhappy and difficult childhood, Made much worse by His Mothers attitude and Her way of correcting His deficits as She described them. He did have episodes of Depression during the 35 years I have known Him, But these periods would last in general no longer than 2 or 3 months and usually followed a difficult time or a stressor such as His Dad's death.
His current problems I do not think are ''Depression'' in the obvious meaning. I do think He is struggling greatly but it is because He just can not cope with anything that He finds even slightly stressful, and this could be as small a thing as Me drawing the lounge curtains one night ( We never close the curtains ) to see if it helped our new dog settle, To bigger issues like a pdoc appointment.
Both situations caused Him to become a shaking tearful wreck. I do believe that the continued stress of trying to remain working has had such an effect that every coping mechanism He had has been stripped away leaving Him completley unable to adapt or cope. The Flight, Fight or Freeze mechanism is out of His control and Freezing unable to do or say anything is His default response at present.
I am Very aware of the ''Black and White'' Thinking. My Husband and both Sons have this to the extreme!, They are the complete opposite to Me in that respect and I spend an awful lot of time trying to explain situations and events that do not follow this wonderfully simple logic. I will say it is this way of thinking that causes them all the most problems as the ''Real'' World is definitley more than 50 shades of Grey! I have in the past told them all, that for Me, it is like living with Vulcans ( Dr Spock ) But I will also say They can bring a refreshing Honesty and Clarity to some situations!
Regarding Medication, He is currently taking Venlafaxine 137.5mg ( We are currently trying to stop this medication and He was originally on 225mg 5 weeks ago ) Pregabalin 450mg, Amisulpride 100mg and Diazepam 5mg. We are after discussing it with His Care Coordinator and pdoc trying to stop all the Medication as nothing has really Helped His distress but the side effects are Obvious. It is going to take a long time as the Discontinuation Symptoms are quite severe and at times it appears He is becoming worse rather than better, But He managed without all this Medication before things came to a head and We are hoping that He can do so again.
Regarding learning about ASD, I really think this is the way forward for Him. I am always talking to Him about How other people on the spectrum deal and cope with Their differences and The way they try to make sense of a world that for a lot of the time makes them feel like an outsider or the only one who doesn't get the joke!.
There was a segment on Our local News last night showing an interview with a Man with Aspergers (who is the subject of a film X + Y made about His life) that has really helped Him, It was only a short interview but He said it was the first time He had heard someone describe accuratley the difficulties and ways of thinking that He has.
I am sorry Coogy that Your Husband was made to return to work before He was ready, I was determined that My Husband was not put in that position and I claimed PIP for Him straight away. He was awarded 10 weeks after the initial claim and that allowed Me, before His SSP ran out, to claim Carers Allowance and Income Support. This stops My Husband having to ''prove'' He is ill and as long as He is in receipt of PIP He will not have to claim ESA as He is on My Claim for Income Support, So that is one worry I do Not have.
I will keep everyone up to date with His progress as I am sure it could be helpful to Others who may find themselves in a similar situation.