Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi Everyone. I seem to be a bit of a rarity after checking out lots of ASD forums.
I have been Married 34 years to My Husband and Have 2 grown up sons aged 31 and 33. Our Youngest Son was diagnosed ADD at 10 years of age and Our eldest Son Suffers terribly from Anxiety and other issues and is also currently awaiting to be assessed for ASD. My Husband has always had problems with His Mental Health and inability to maintain what is considered ''Normal'' behaviour.
I will probably add lots more in different posts as I try to find help and answers to Our problems and Questions. You may see Me use ''Our'' and ''We'' a lot in My posts as I am pretty much My Husbands ''Wing Man'' and it affects us both, The problems He has.
My Husband had a Complete Breakdown in October 2013 and We are still trying to get Him back to somewhere near His previous functioning.
He had been receiving treatment for Anxiety and Depression from 2012 which was not working and things became so bad that in October 2013 He was calmly telling Me about His plans to hang Himself at work, Before becoming almost completley Catatonic for 2 weeks.
After an urgent Psych assessment at Home, The Psychiatrist who came decided after talking to Him for 1 hour and 10 minutes, That He had Adjustment Disorder with traits of Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder!
Anyway 18 mths later, My Husband has been on the Enhanced Care Pathway for Complex Mental Health since March 2014 and despite taking various cocktails of SSRI's SNRI's, Anti Psychotics, Anti Anxiety Meds and Diazepam, He is still unable to function in any way resembling His old self Without 24/7 care and support from Me.
Eventually 5 months ago His Care Coordinator after visiting Us at home Asked if He had ever been assessed for ASD. This comment was made whilst My Husband was sat in His chair With His eyes closed,Rocking, Shaking and Jerking, Whilst alternating between Rubbing His Head and Twisting One hand continuously!
I can not believe I did not realise sooner! I was a Support Worker for 10 years for Young adults with ASD and Challenging behaviour and although over the Years I thought Hubby may have ADD, like Our Son or at times Bipolar I just did not See what in hindsight was so obvious, And for that I feel guilty that He was not helped earlier.
Anyway That is the Brief run down that has brought Me here and I am hoping to gain more insight and support and hopefully see My Husband return back to some form of independence. Thanks for Listening!
Hello Agian,
Yes, It's clear he has some very familiar issues. As a former support worker you will probably realise that progress following a breakdown is often very slow. My own husband used to get very agetated when people (His parents included.) expected him to 'snap out of it' and reach a form of recovery within weeks, Such is their understanding of mental health, Following, my husbands breakdown, he was never the same, For a long while I mourned the loss of the person I married, but as the years have gone by, we have learned to reaquate ourselves with one another.
NT (Neuro- Typical) society, imposes many pressures on us and learning to resist such pressure is a skill in itself.
My husband went back to full time work following an ATOS interview that deemed him fit, despite evidence to the contrary, and he colapsed again within six months,
It's taken years, but he started back to work with a few hours a week and gradually worked up. 16 hours seems to be when he's gone too far and begins to show signs of stress. It's probably some way off for you to consider him back at work at the moment, but you may have to completely reconsider his working future, post recovery. Don't worry about what others think, What's right for his well-being is the key.
At the time I was managing two children on the Spectrum, My husbands Illness and my own issues. It was a terrible strain I would never want to repeat, but it's made me more compassionate and my husband has had a career change and now helps others for a living. His experience, far from being a hinderence, has given him a greater understanding of those he cares for.
I suspect your husbands increased obsessions are a way of him trying to maintain order, in what must seem a very scary time. I too have ASD and have learned to manage my work commitments by working for myself from home. This allows me be home for my family and stage my work around their needs. I'm pretty sure your life as sole carer is full on just now, but in the future, perhaps you could work from home if you would like to return. For me, having an interest beyond care, kept me sane.
Do keep us updated on how he's doing and please feel free to ask any questions.
Coogy