Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi Everyone. I seem to be a bit of a rarity after checking out lots of ASD forums.
I have been Married 34 years to My Husband and Have 2 grown up sons aged 31 and 33. Our Youngest Son was diagnosed ADD at 10 years of age and Our eldest Son Suffers terribly from Anxiety and other issues and is also currently awaiting to be assessed for ASD. My Husband has always had problems with His Mental Health and inability to maintain what is considered ''Normal'' behaviour.
I will probably add lots more in different posts as I try to find help and answers to Our problems and Questions. You may see Me use ''Our'' and ''We'' a lot in My posts as I am pretty much My Husbands ''Wing Man'' and it affects us both, The problems He has.
My Husband had a Complete Breakdown in October 2013 and We are still trying to get Him back to somewhere near His previous functioning.
He had been receiving treatment for Anxiety and Depression from 2012 which was not working and things became so bad that in October 2013 He was calmly telling Me about His plans to hang Himself at work, Before becoming almost completley Catatonic for 2 weeks.
After an urgent Psych assessment at Home, The Psychiatrist who came decided after talking to Him for 1 hour and 10 minutes, That He had Adjustment Disorder with traits of Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder!
Anyway 18 mths later, My Husband has been on the Enhanced Care Pathway for Complex Mental Health since March 2014 and despite taking various cocktails of SSRI's SNRI's, Anti Psychotics, Anti Anxiety Meds and Diazepam, He is still unable to function in any way resembling His old self Without 24/7 care and support from Me.
Eventually 5 months ago His Care Coordinator after visiting Us at home Asked if He had ever been assessed for ASD. This comment was made whilst My Husband was sat in His chair With His eyes closed,Rocking, Shaking and Jerking, Whilst alternating between Rubbing His Head and Twisting One hand continuously!
I can not believe I did not realise sooner! I was a Support Worker for 10 years for Young adults with ASD and Challenging behaviour and although over the Years I thought Hubby may have ADD, like Our Son or at times Bipolar I just did not See what in hindsight was so obvious, And for that I feel guilty that He was not helped earlier.
Anyway That is the Brief run down that has brought Me here and I am hoping to gain more insight and support and hopefully see My Husband return back to some form of independence. Thanks for Listening!
Hi coogybear. Sorry to hear that You are in the same situation. Yes I do consider My Husband lucky that He has such good imput from Our IDT.
Regarding the reason for the breakdown, Yes it was in effect Work Related. The reason not that His job was particulaly stressful per se, But that My OH has always struggled with staying in a job since He first started working at 16yrs old.
Throughout Our Marriage I was always the main breadwinner. This allowed My Husband to leave a job whenever He could not cope, The longest time spent in a job before His last one was 4 months. However due to where We live now in a rural location with no public transport links I was unable to work ( I do not drive ) My OH started His job in March 2012 and initially as always was fine ( He is a paint sprayer ) However He was so good at His job and producing so much better and more work than the other painters that He was given more and more to do. He started becoming more and more anxious and agitated and went from working with a team of 8 to working with a team of 3 then 2 until eventually He was working on His own in His own workshop and was still producing more work then the team of 3!
He lasted 18 mths, The signs were there almost a year before He fell apart, but due to My inability to work He kept going in as We have a mortgage etc.. He was signed off 3 times in the 2 months before it all ended, But He insisted He had to go back, Until the night when He described to Me how He was planning to hang Himself in the workshop.
He has always said He wanted to be ''Normal'' and go to work like everyone else. He always felt that Others ( apart from Me ) judged Him and found Him lazy. This was never the case, He has always worked really hard and When He had His own workshop or worked from home He was fine, But this was not an option anymore.
I never knew why He always struggled in a work environment and Hubby could never fully explain what the problems were, But from going through this crisis I now understand more as He used to come home and offload to Me. The problems were various but included, Difficulty socialising with the other employees, He found their banter and behaviour very difficult, The other employees work ethics ie playing with their mobile phones when they should have been working, His workmates packing up and stopping work to 10 minutes before the end of the work day, Shoddy work that He would have to sort out, Bullying of an employee with learning difficulties by others ( although they said they were just teasing ) There was so much He could not cope with or understand!
I did actually say to the first ever Pdoc that diagnosed Him with Adjustment Disorder, ( severe stress caused by an event, in My Husbands case, Having to be the main breadwinner ) That I sort of agreed but what if it is Life in general that is the stressor? How can He recover from that.
Sorry for the really long post, But no one in our small circle of friends and family really understands So I have off loaded a bit.