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Advice needed for meltdowns please!!!

racytrace72
over 9 years ago

Hi, I am new to the site and am looking for any advice on how to deal with my 11 year old son's meltdowns!

At the end of last year we had an Ed Psych assessment which showed that he has a high liklihood of Aspergers and a severe Seperation Anxiety Disorder.  I have many problems getting him into school some days as using the school toilets is a massive issue for him along with the bus journey, changing from lesson to lesson, time in the playground with friends, using the school canteen, everything generally!

At home, he has many meltdowns and just today has begun to be very physical with me, pushing me and hitting me too.  Today he was damaging my radiator with a toy car and when I took the car away he became violent. 

He has been referred to CAMHS and they met on Monday this week to decide if they are going to take him on or not.  I am at the end of my tether.  I try to stay really calm and leave him to 'play out' the meltdown as interaction seems to aggravate him, but today nothing worked.  He didnt want to do anything with me, didnt want me even in the same room as him, then when I went off to do something else, that wasnt right either!  How do other people manage it?

He can also be very aggravating to his younger brother who is 8 and also seems to have the same 'symptoms' and to be honest it is hard work trying to keep them tolerating each other as one comment from one sets the other one off!!!

Does anyone have any suggestions that may help please?

Thanks

Parents
  • over 9 years ago

    racytrace72 said:

    All he has said tonight about attacking me is that he didnt mean too.....isnt that what domestic abusers say to the abused!!!

    I wasnt going to weigh in (because ive been working on my restraint) untill you compared your child to a dosmestic abuser but you have admitted the practice of violence against your son (unless you telported the car out of his hand rather than applying your superior force. So get this...remove the application of force from your interactions with your son and stop teaching him to apply force in his own conflict resolution before labeling him an abuser. Im really not seeing why this is a mystery to the NT?

    Now, as to the arguing...let them. I love to argue; I suspect so do they, and its quite possible that they can manage their combative play given time to learn each others tolerances, but if you interviene every time they start taking shots at each other you frustrate their urge to bicker possibly leading to one or more meltdowns and certainly adding to the intensity of the next bout.

    Ive made the suggestion before but il do so again because its solid: Martial Arts Training as an outlet for combative tendancies.

Reply
  • over 9 years ago

    racytrace72 said:

    All he has said tonight about attacking me is that he didnt mean too.....isnt that what domestic abusers say to the abused!!!

    I wasnt going to weigh in (because ive been working on my restraint) untill you compared your child to a dosmestic abuser but you have admitted the practice of violence against your son (unless you telported the car out of his hand rather than applying your superior force. So get this...remove the application of force from your interactions with your son and stop teaching him to apply force in his own conflict resolution before labeling him an abuser. Im really not seeing why this is a mystery to the NT?

    Now, as to the arguing...let them. I love to argue; I suspect so do they, and its quite possible that they can manage their combative play given time to learn each others tolerances, but if you interviene every time they start taking shots at each other you frustrate their urge to bicker possibly leading to one or more meltdowns and certainly adding to the intensity of the next bout.

    Ive made the suggestion before but il do so again because its solid: Martial Arts Training as an outlet for combative tendancies.

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