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Advice needed for meltdowns please!!!

racytrace72
over 9 years ago

Hi, I am new to the site and am looking for any advice on how to deal with my 11 year old son's meltdowns!

At the end of last year we had an Ed Psych assessment which showed that he has a high liklihood of Aspergers and a severe Seperation Anxiety Disorder.  I have many problems getting him into school some days as using the school toilets is a massive issue for him along with the bus journey, changing from lesson to lesson, time in the playground with friends, using the school canteen, everything generally!

At home, he has many meltdowns and just today has begun to be very physical with me, pushing me and hitting me too.  Today he was damaging my radiator with a toy car and when I took the car away he became violent. 

He has been referred to CAMHS and they met on Monday this week to decide if they are going to take him on or not.  I am at the end of my tether.  I try to stay really calm and leave him to 'play out' the meltdown as interaction seems to aggravate him, but today nothing worked.  He didnt want to do anything with me, didnt want me even in the same room as him, then when I went off to do something else, that wasnt right either!  How do other people manage it?

He can also be very aggravating to his younger brother who is 8 and also seems to have the same 'symptoms' and to be honest it is hard work trying to keep them tolerating each other as one comment from one sets the other one off!!!

Does anyone have any suggestions that may help please?

Thanks

Parents
  • over 9 years ago

    I am sorry you have it so hard at the moment. And yes the authorities never see any reason to hurry. It takes time for them to wade through all the bureaucracy.

    It is very difficult to help people who do not want to help themselves. At 11 he is getting a bit big to attack you. He probably didn't mean to. He is probably feeling just as frustrated as you are - and probably anxious about what is going to happen to him. Having meltdowns may well be adding to his stress. And the stress and anxiety will not be helping his relationship with his brother. Don't forget that siblings are generally very good at winding each other up (and you!).

    If he won't let you try to help him then you will have to experiment. Try to work out what helps him to relax and try to persuade him to do more of it. Is there any chance getting out more when the weather improves will help?

    I am trying to think of somewhere or someone you could turn to. But there is a general lack of services for autism and help and support for parents of children with autism.

    My nephew had a time when he kept getting excluded from school. He ended up with a personal tutor for a few months while they tried to find a school for him. You could ask if that could be a possibility especially if school is a real problem. You might need the backing of your GP for this. Your council has a duty to educate him. If school isn't working out they have to provide something. You will have to argue a severe detrimental affect on him, you, and his brother. Getting this will be fight, but it might be an easier fight than trying to deal with a stressed out and very anxious autistic child for several months while they get their act together.

    But you are not alone. Bringing up a child with autism well is extremely difficult. Growing up as a child with autism is also extremely difficult.

Reply
  • over 9 years ago

    I am sorry you have it so hard at the moment. And yes the authorities never see any reason to hurry. It takes time for them to wade through all the bureaucracy.

    It is very difficult to help people who do not want to help themselves. At 11 he is getting a bit big to attack you. He probably didn't mean to. He is probably feeling just as frustrated as you are - and probably anxious about what is going to happen to him. Having meltdowns may well be adding to his stress. And the stress and anxiety will not be helping his relationship with his brother. Don't forget that siblings are generally very good at winding each other up (and you!).

    If he won't let you try to help him then you will have to experiment. Try to work out what helps him to relax and try to persuade him to do more of it. Is there any chance getting out more when the weather improves will help?

    I am trying to think of somewhere or someone you could turn to. But there is a general lack of services for autism and help and support for parents of children with autism.

    My nephew had a time when he kept getting excluded from school. He ended up with a personal tutor for a few months while they tried to find a school for him. You could ask if that could be a possibility especially if school is a real problem. You might need the backing of your GP for this. Your council has a duty to educate him. If school isn't working out they have to provide something. You will have to argue a severe detrimental affect on him, you, and his brother. Getting this will be fight, but it might be an easier fight than trying to deal with a stressed out and very anxious autistic child for several months while they get their act together.

    But you are not alone. Bringing up a child with autism well is extremely difficult. Growing up as a child with autism is also extremely difficult.

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