Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi!
Following a trip to see The Curious Incident... a few days ago, followed by a lot of discussion and a fair amount of research, I'm pretty sure my 14yo daughter has Aspergers. Mostly she's wonderful, and just finding out there's a likely explanation has taken some of the pressure off both of us - we haven't laughed so much together in years. We're currently awaiting a meeting with her head of year and class teacher at school to ask them to do a report on her which our GP can then use for a referral to CAMHS.
In the meantime, and in the full knowledge that there's no such thing as a quick fix in all this, please could anyone help with something that's always driven me mad about her? She has no sense of urgency at all, and doesn't mind getting anywhere late (apart from school where she's very conscientious). For example, last night we were both going to a choir session at 7.30 and I asked her at 6pm to have a shower first. I was still asking when she eventuallygot in the shower an hour and ten minutes later, and we were over half an hour late for choir. She won't let me suprrvise her until she does things, and hates me going on about time and how we're going to be late. Has anyone got any suggestions please as to how to encourage her to do things within a reasonable timescale??
Thanks for your help, and see you around I hope!
Magpie x
I just have a quick shower and be done with it. :)
I'm still trying to get my head around the whole spectrum thing - how our friends and loved ones with ASDs can be so similar in some ways, but so totally out of left field in others! No user expecting logic according to our brains, from brains which are wired differently though... it's never going to happen, is it?? :)
Time keeping is a massive issue for my daughter too. She appears to have no concept of time either. Have tried both of the above..... But it is heart breaking then when she realises she has missed something she truly enjoys and gets upset. Promises next time will be different but never is.
PS opposite is true of hygiene for her. This evening she has been in the bath for 4 hours and is still there.
Great reply! Yes, I know she wants to go because she asked to join my choir specifically because she wanted to do this one important gig we're building up to, and she really enjoys it when she gets there.
Personal hygiene certainly seems to be a low priority for her, and I do hope this aspect at least improves though I'm still trying to work out how to convince her it's necessary/desirable!
Thanks again, Magpie
Hi Magpie. Both my children were hopeless at personal organisation, until I went through a period of illness, and they had to sink or swim on their own.
They had drifted along forgetting to take things to school, or bring them home when needed, with me asking what they needed and checking and or taking, fetching fogotten items. When I stopped doing it, and they got into trouble at school for not getting it right, they suddenly found the benefit of trying.
I would say, that next time that she needs to go somewhere, tell her once, and then say nothing. If she presents herself ready to go, take her without comment, and let her deal with any consequences of lateness. If you go too, then if she is not ready, go without her. Does she still want to go? Teens often find it embarrassing to do hobbies with parents.
One other thought occurs. Tania Marshal, who is something of an expert on female asd, says personal hygiene is an issue sometimes because it is low priority, compared with more enjoyable/prefered activities.
We can do too much for our children.