A short introduction

can i ask please why u removed me from facebook

yes, I am. 

I was 30 and similarities between my son and I and glad used feel better and are u on facebook

Hey, thanks for your reply. How old were you when you got diagnosed, if I might ask? And what prompted your diagnosis?

I must say I feel a lot better now that some time has passed, but the first few weeks/months were quite tough I must admit...

How can I message you directly?

Hi i also have aspergers syndrome and get diganosed last year if u want to talk message me and hope u ok

oh, that’s a long story… I have a long history of depression and depressive episodes which started when I was about 12 or 13, at least that’s the earliest I can remember. I think it probably started earlier, as I was a victim of some heavy bullying at school, mainly because I was just a bit different from the other kids. For instance I was (and still am) very bad at sports, always a bit clumsy and I spoke very much like an adult form a very early age, which must have seemed very strange to the other children. Of course, back in the early to mid-eighties no-one ever thought of autism, so it was always „he’s a bit different, that’s all“, it wasn’t considered a serious problem.    

I’ve seen many doctors since and had various forms of therapy for my depression (mostly medication, but also psychotherapy with 3 different therapists), but nothing really helped me to feel better in the long run. When I got older I kind of realized that I was a bit different to the people around me – I have friends, but I never socialize much and I don’t really miss it. I don’t live in a relationship, because I really don’t want to. I always wanted to work alone on my own, so I got self-employed and turned my interests into my job etc etc., I could just go on and on…

So I kind of felt a bit out of place in many ways. When I got to my late twenties I decided to ignore my depressive moods as I felt that there was nothing I could do about it and that I simply had to live with it for the rest of my life. So I kept myself very busy with work and doing the things I liked, but the depression kept coming back at irregular intervals.

It was just at some point that I felt I couldn’t accept that nothing could be done about it and that there must be someone out there who could help me after all. So I went to see a new psychiatrist that was recommended to me, told him that this was probably my last attempt to get some help regarding the depression and that no doctor and no medication had ever helped before. I think he was the first psychiatrist I went to that was really willing to listen to me in detail and he asked many, many questions and at the end he he said he suspected I could be on the autistic spectrum and that I should seek out further diagnosis. So that was the start of it all and it turned out he was right.

He said that I probably developed my depression from a very early age because of my inability to socialize and interact with other kids properly and the problems I later had at school and to a lesser extent in my adult life turned it into a chronic depression which could never be cured because no-one realized what was actually lying underneath and therefore couldn’t be treated appropriately.

My God, that was quite a bit of text… I hope it makes sense though ;-)

Will was in his early 20s when he was diagnosed. He had a kind of breakdown after a period away from home, attempting to live independently at university.  It took a long while to work out what was going on and get support/treatment/diagnosis/more interventions/etc.

 There were lots of wrong turns and cul de sacs along the way.

I think he has huge potential to live a fulfilled and busy life, provided that the right balance of challenge, support and fulfilment can be found/negotiated.

What prompted your diagnosis?

Hi Eve,

I think the diagnosis has helped me a lot so far. But I have to admit the past 12+ months have been a bit of a rollercoaster ride for me. Before I got confronted with the possibility of having AS I didn’t know anything about it at all. I started reading a lot about it then and the process of going through the diagnosis really opened my eyes in many ways. It seemed like many things in my life suddenly appeared to make sense. Some things I’ve been struggling with for as long as I can remember seemed to finally have an explanation. 

I’ve been thinking a lot since receiving the diagnosis and I still have long-forgotten memories of my past randomly popping up in my head, all appearing in a new light now. 

I think I found many answers, but as you said there are many more questions coming on almost each day. It’s weird looking back at 38 years with so many things being put into a new perspective. The first weeks after I got the diagnosis were pretty difficult for me, but now I think I’ve come to accept it as it is and also see the positive sides of it. I think the fact that I’ve managed to live a very independent life and make a living out of the things I’ve always been intensely focused on (graphic design and typography) might have something to do with the more positive aspects of having AS. 

How old was your son when he got diagnosed, if I might ask? 

Hi Andy

I hope it helps to have a diagnosis and to be getting in touch with others with relevant experience.  My son was diagnosed as an adult and we are all getting used to having some answers, as it were, and a whole lot more questions.

At least there is a lot of information and support available online.