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Loz12

Hi, I’m new here. I’m 30 and suspect that I am neurodivergent (I’m not sure exactly what my diagnosis would be, I have been on waiting lists for assessment for 2 and a half years) 

I’m tired of merely existing but most of the time, I feel that’s all I am capable of. Why does it take maximum effort and energy for me to just be a person? l hope this makes sense to someone.

Anyway, I am currently working my fifth Admin job and (as with the four previous) I feel my time here is coming to an end. I always come to a point where it becomes almost unbearable to go to work and play pretend with my colleagues and I end up leaving my job. I have this feeling (maybe more of a hope) that I am destined for more than being trapped in an office day in day out, with people I don’t have anything in common with. However, i don’t know what I’m destined to do or how I get there, nor how to find “my people”.

I have tried studying for qualifications that could broaden my horizon, but that usually ends with me being put off the job I thought I wanted, or dropping out (either because I’m bored or overwhelmed I can’t work out which?) 

Does anyone here have any similar feelings or experiences surrounding work and figuring out what you should be doing (aside from just floating around attempting to function in society)?

Thanks in advance x

Parents

  • Sorry just another thought off the back of this - is it ok to not have ambitions to BE something?

    I’ve never had the desire to have a career or to become something but I think I’ve always felt that I SHOULD want those things because that’s what people do? 
    Perhaps that’s why I never see any studying through to the end - because I simply don’t want it enough. 
    Has anyone else had to accept going against expectations to have a career or “better” job and simply accept that you just want a basic job you find manageable? I fear if I do finally accept this, I’ll be met with negativity and disappointment.

  • in reply to Loz12

    Yes it is OK, I still don't know what I want to do when I grow up and I'm 64.

    I totally get the pressure to want to BE something and somebody when you really don't, its not easy, but stick to it, people will try and beat you with their measuring sticks because you feel happy measuring yourself using a different stick or not measuring yourself at all, but just happy being a human being not a human doing.

    I've had a career tangent rather than a path, partly I suspect because when I was a young woman, we where expected to have a job and to work to live, over the course of the 1980's, we were encouraged and told we had to live to work. You will be met by hostility and negativity and only you can decide if it's worth it, for me it is, I'd rather be authentically myself, whislt experiencing negativity than trying to contort myself into someone elses idea of what I ought to be and getting negatitivity because I'm not very good at it.

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  • in reply to Loz12

    Yes it is OK, I still don't know what I want to do when I grow up and I'm 64.

    I totally get the pressure to want to BE something and somebody when you really don't, its not easy, but stick to it, people will try and beat you with their measuring sticks because you feel happy measuring yourself using a different stick or not measuring yourself at all, but just happy being a human being not a human doing.

    I've had a career tangent rather than a path, partly I suspect because when I was a young woman, we where expected to have a job and to work to live, over the course of the 1980's, we were encouraged and told we had to live to work. You will be met by hostility and negativity and only you can decide if it's worth it, for me it is, I'd rather be authentically myself, whislt experiencing negativity than trying to contort myself into someone elses idea of what I ought to be and getting negatitivity because I'm not very good at it.

Children
  • in reply to TheCatWoman

    Hi, thank you for your inspirational words! I particularly like the analogy of the measuring stick - maybe my stick is different and maybe that’s ok. I also like the idea of not having to be a human doing, that’s great! 
    I hope to have your attitude of living authentically without care for people’s opinions, but I am not quite there yet - I need to build some self confidence. Thanks again.