Thank you for your kind and reassuring words. I know myself i need to stop worrying what could or will be. He is an amazing little boy, always happy! As everyone says  which is annoying at times, he can be happy and neurodivergent. I am very protective of him, he shows more and more signs every day. Now been out on waiting list but we already know and it wont change anything really! It really is an unknown world ubtil it becomes your world. ️

I’m so sorry this is giving you so much worry and distress. I wanted to send you words of comfort and reassurance. Your little boy is so very young and the future is so unknown for any child of his age - none of us can predict the future of any child so young. I have two autistic sons and they are the absolute joy of my life and they are the most wonderful, beautiful people who I feel completely blessed to have in my life. I feel confident that you will very likely feel the same way about your son as he grows and blossoms. Embrace who your son is wholeheartedly - he deserves your unconditional love. Don’t let a diagnosis of autism get in the way of that. Every child is unique, and every child brings unique gifts and their own unique contribution to their family and to the world. It’s going to be ok - autism is not a ‘disaster’ - it brings with it many wonderful aspects to life as well as some challenges. Please don’t worry - just concentrate on giving love to your son and helping him to feel happy and secure. Be in the moment with him - don’t look ahead with imagined fears of things that may never happen. Take care, I’m sure things will be much better than you fear! 

Speaking as an Autistic older adult, whose peer group includes some people with Autistic Grandchildren; I am always keen to know about (free to access) child-friendly resources designed to support subsequent generations of Autistic young people to thrive.

The most important resources are those parents, guardians, relatives and other community role models and mentors we encounter (across our lives): who see us for who we are as a person, facilitate our path to thriving, support our interests and healthy regulation, celebrate our passion and joy, help us to understand and accommodate there are different ways and timelines to make progress in our lives, plus share with us their quiet grace and company at times of our growing to deal with some of the transitions / bumps in our journey through life.

As I recall "toddler me", or any other age group "me"; the highlighted peers and older generations around me have been those who concentrate on, engage with and celebrate: my personality, outlook, interests, capabilities and my contribution to others.

E.g. the best relatives are remembered for giving you a small gift they believe you will love (not because it is your Birthday, not fancily wrapped up, not because of a brand name or fashion - purely, because they thought about you and knew you would love the gift and conventional "age appropriateness" need not be applied!).

Sometimes, the most unexpected and unobtrusive people can be the true beacons / landmarks in our Autistic lives. 

The tactful elderly neighbour who keeps a kindly eye on your best interests and fair play as you learn to explore fun getting to know your peers in the neighbourhood. 

The unsung heroes of "it takes a village to raise a child". 

The mentor from a different department at work - who couldn't care less about the mythical "not the done thing" hangups - but is passionate about supporting your continuing professional development - your style.

The dear soul; who takes the trouble to confidentially check / signpost with you; about an unwritten / less obvious convention about attending an upcoming community event - be it clothing "norms", the  actual assembly time, or some unmentioned thing which you are supposed to bring with you ...via "telepathy" knowledge?

The medic / receptionist who enthusiastically sounds on the phone etc. with you; as though they have genuinely been looking forward to having the conversation with you about - whatever it may be - in support of your way.

I was navigating a particularly tough day yesterday - when I happened across this image which helped smooth my furrowed brow as "Our Amazing Brain Garden" on the spectrum also spoke to my inner toddler in a positive way (I had been battling unreasonable "red tape" beaurocracy and was glad of the real World grounding of the affirmation):

https://www.socialworkerstoolbox.com/our-amazing-brain-garden-understanding-the-autism-spectrum-posters-worksheet-for-children/

I also liked this poster around understanding and advocating in support of our reasonable adjustments (although, personally, I would prefer the poster to say "I am Autistic" instead of "I have Autism") as with each decade I find it is worthwhile to review / revise supporting my own needs as an Autistic person (we are people with evolving life experience needs - not an inanimate object to be set in time at e.g. the event and age group of our diagnosis assessment day).

www.socialworkerstoolbox.com/.../

There are many Autistic role models to be noticed across all walks of life and among each generation.  Autistic profiles encompass a broad range of people across the globe.  There is no such thing as a "typical" Autistic person - although we may share overlapping commonality in some areas of our respective life experiences.

As an Autistic community and as Autistic individuals; we should learn to pursue our passions, enjoy our worthwhile connections, share our strengths and take our place in the World. 

Admittedly, we might be well advised to do so "our style" and on our own terms (as part of our personal energy and mind / body regulation success strategies).

The art form, on a personal level; is to ensure the settings we experience are kept up to date with our current personal reasonable adjustments information as appropriate.

The obligation falls equally upon both Autistic people and non-Autistic people, alike; to learn about and adapt to each others': strengths, contributions, challenges and worth.

There are different varied strategies we may choose to deploy to achieve this in in different settings and at various stages of life (e.g. healthcare, education, workplace and community).

Healthcare is a particular example of a setting where e.g. updating our:

a) Summary Care Record

digital.nhs.uk/.../summary-care-records-scr and

b) Reasonable adjustment flags on the NHS "SPINE" digital patient records

...as per legislation, NICE guidance and our own feedback as the "Expert by Experience", which can assist communication across the clinician, health and social care teams and/or administrators - as  those professionals with NHS smartcard access will be able to see our documented reasonable adjustments, thereby reducing some of our self-advocacy load.

There is no need for us, as Autistic patients / carers, to feel embarrassed about opening up a conversation about this subject with a GP etc., (nor for us to accept any implementation excuses), as NHS England makes it clear that: "This service is live. It has been live since 2019, and has seen wider adoption since its inclusion in the National Care Records Service in 2023"). 

c) when healthcare professionals attended their mandatory Oliver McGowan training in support of Learning Disabilities and Autism - they will have been educated on the reasonable adjustments protocols and resources.

https://www.hee.nhs.uk/our-work/learning-disability/current-projects/oliver-mcgowan-mandatory-training-learning-disability-autism

After all, the emphasis is not that we are trying to "fix" ourselves.  Rather, we are tailoring, to our needs, amendment to those aspects of a default environment specification (which had previously been defective in that; it had overlooked the requirements input of up to circa 20% of the population which it is intended to serve). 

https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/employment/what-are-reasonable-adjustments-and-when-can-they

I believe life is a navigation chart - complex to all people.  Autistic people may just find benefit from an augmented key / legend to that chart - as the "standard" one was only an 80% population fit ifor purpose n the first place! 

It might feel daunting sometimes. 

However, knowledge, trial & error, access to good people in your wider community and deploying advocacy are available in your own virtual toolbox. 

In time, your Son can grow to select his own compass and key to his life's chart.  He does not need to travel solo - as he is not alone.

Thank you for your kind reply. 

0905 said:

I do think a mothers intuition should not be disregarded 

I agree with you wholeheartedly! Your son is fortunate that you are attentive to his needs. 

0905 said:

am I wrong in wishing he didn't show these signs

People don’t have total control over their hopes for their children and of course you will compare him against the milestones and norms that society has dictated. Acknowledge what you see, feel and hope. Continue to do what you can to support him on the journey he takes. It’s good he is such a happy boy.

Thank you all for your comments, I am probably snowballing as a parent. I find it hard not to compare my youngest to my oldest child. Like I said, this is all very new to us, and im not saying im an expert however he is getting the support/tests he needs to support a diagnosis. I am of medical background myself so this is not without careful research and observation. I agree, its support for myself as I am finding it difficult but for months my family downplayed his behaviour (but did this out of kindness as they seen the same traits but wanted to try and calm me.. made it worse). He is such a happy little boy as everyone keeps telling me but am I wrong in wishing he didn't show these signs. I am very aware he is young but I do think a mothers intuition should not be disregarded 

It’s understandable that you are concerned about your son as any parent would be, but as others have mentioned, he is very young and can’t know now what his potential will be in the future.

I have an autistic relative who showed signs of autism from around 16 months. She was non verbal, didn’t make eye contact etc., primary school was the making of her and she has loved it. She has excelled academically and has friends who share her interests. She is due to go to secondary school this year and her parents and teachers expect that she will do well there. 

I agree with Stuart, babies develop at different rates and if your childs doctors are happy with his progress then I'd be inclined to let it go for a few months. 

What makes you so certain your child is autistic?

Whether you child is autistic or not, it sounds like you need some support, parenthood is a big load of worry surrounded by joy at the best of times. It's OK for you to admit you need more support and help, you're not here to be perfect, nobodies the perfect parent, so talk to someone about your worries for the future, not about the what ifs of what may or may not affect your son.

0905 said:

no one in either of our families are neurodivergent or autistic.

That is unlikely. 

Otherwise I agree with Stuart.

It seems very early to be so sure. I think you are equating it with learning difficulties and other problems. This doesn't have to be the case.

Plenty of people grow up, go to university and do well.

I know one who is a professor and works with oil companies. I have earned significantly above the average wage for most of the last 30 years and have dove lots of bucket list things. 

While there may be sensory differences, or emotional challenges, it is not all bad. Arguably some sensory differences are better, as is the depth of feeling and empathy. But they are double edged swords. They might be a great painter, artist, writer, mathematician, biologist, etc. or just a regular happy person not fussed about material things.

Support needs may vary, but the developmental path seems hard to know for sure already.

I think you assuming the worst. You could just as easily assume the best.