Neurodivergent and Never had friends

Hey, I am female and similar to you as I am too 18 and in university.Also I am too autistic and have diagnosed ADHD. 

I hope to offer you some advice, something that is a bit different than what you hear all the time and to help you understand that you are not alone.

You say that you are intelligent, I am guessing you mean smart like at uni, measured by test scores and project grades. I am like that too but I also am good at making friends. I did not get diagnosed till my teens so I learned ways to survive in social situations at a young age. To me, social situations are like a puzzle and once you understand the pieces and where they fit , they make sense . People are actually quite predictable and once you see this, you can’t not see it. If you want I can give you tips on how to understand these pieces? 

I just can’t give the right advice till I know a little bit more about you. Like what your studying in Uni? and what you believe it is that people detect in you that makes them think your an ‘aspy’?

I am only of average intelligence but my advice would be if they don’t want to know you for being different they are probably not worth being friends with. Don’t feel obligated to be friends with anyone, let them approach you. I haven’t spoken to anyone since Christmas except for close family. It’s heaven. I don’t normally have drugs on hand when I need to someone if it gets desperate I reach out, or listen to Motown.

Hi AutisticAF, 

Thank you for sharing how you are feeling, it sounds like you are going through a lot currently. The community is here to support you as best we can. 

I'm sorry to hear you feel alone and often feel suicidal, this must be really tough and I'm sorry to hear this.

The National Autistic Society does not currently operate a crisis or emergency service. If you’re finding it hard to cope or have thoughts of harming yourself, please seek help. If you feel you [or anyone else] is at risk of immediate harm, dial 999 or contact one of the mental health crisis lines listed on our Urgent Help Page: https://www.autism.org.uk/what-we-do/help-and-support/urgent-help. 

You could call your GP and ask for an urgent appointment – they can help you get the right support.

If it’s not an emergency but you’re still struggling, speaking to a health professional can help. If your GP is closed, you can call 111 for NHS support. In England, Wales and Scotland, you can now choose option 2 to speak directly with mental health professionals: https://www.nhs.uk/nhs-services/urgent-and-emergency-care-services/when-to-use-111/. 

Here are some other organisations that offer free, confidential support:

· Samaritans – Call 116 123, 24/7

· SANEline – 0300 304 7000 (4.30 PM–10.30 PM daily)

· Shout – Text 85258, 24/7

· Mind Infoline – 0300 123 3393 (Mon–Fri, 9 AM–6 PM)

Remember, you're not alone in this and you deserve support. Please stay connected and we hope you are able to find some calm soon. 

Kind regards, 

Katrina Mod

I'm always really curious to know what people mean when they say this. What is your measure of intelligence, please?

AutisticAF said:

I am intelligent

im the same the friends i had i couldnt keep, others i had did things they shouldnt so i left them, and now i have none at all

AutisticAF said:

I can’t talk to people without the usage of amphetamines, benzos, beta blockers, and Pregabalin

To learn to overcome this issue you probably need professional help. I would suggest contacting the uni psychology department and see if they offer any therapy for students - often they offer sessions for their trainee psychologists where an experienced therapist sits in with the trainee and helps if there are any questions or issues.

You should be able to get some good techniques to work on to start to overcome the shyness and be able to speak to people this way.

AutisticAF said:

I don’t know why people don’t like me, I always try to talk about normal things but still people detect that I am aspy.

There are lots of rules about how to interact socially that many autists never pick up so it helps to learn these and treat social interactions as an experiement until you get the hand of it. I would recommend the following book in conjunction to therapy:

Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships Decoding Social Mysteries Through the Unique Perspectives of Autism - Grandin, Temple, Barron, Sean (2017)

It may seem too much to take in to start with so start with observing and gentle interactions (eg shopping) and build up with interactions with others on your course. Therapy will guide you through a lot of this too.

Expecting others to accept you or even understand you is too much to expect in my experience - we have to do all the work which sucks, but if you want to be a part of it you need to know the rules and be able to mask your way as much as you are comfortable with.

All just in my opinion of course.