Neurodivergent and Never had friends

Hey, I am female and similar to you as I am too 18 and in university.Also I am too autistic and have diagnosed ADHD. 

I hope to offer you some advice, something that is a bit different than what you hear all the time and to help you understand that you are not alone.

You say that you are intelligent, I am guessing you mean smart like at uni, measured by test scores and project grades. I am like that too but I also am good at making friends. I did not get diagnosed till my teens so I learned ways to survive in social situations at a young age. To me, social situations are like a puzzle and once you understand the pieces and where they fit , they make sense . People are actually quite predictable and once you see this, you can’t not see it. If you want I can give you tips on how to understand these pieces? 

I just can’t give the right advice till I know a little bit more about you. Like what your studying in Uni? and what you believe it is that people detect in you that makes them think your an ‘aspy’?

Hey thank you for your reply. I’d love to talk to you as you seem to be in a similar situation to myself. 

I’m a first year medical student. I feel that people often disrespect me or look at me strangely/with disgust especially as I begin talking as I often get overly exited maybe or am extremely shy. I have worked a lot on masking this but I haven’t had any real results. People detect when you are a friendless weirdo easily. I have never been invited by a different person to an outing and never fit into other’s friendship circles, not even loners. I often also get treated as if I am, in offensive layman’s terms, “special”

Please give me any advice if you have some.

Hey, 

Apologies for only getting back to you now, college has been extremely hectic lately.

Sorry if I gave the wrong impression in my previous message but I am not in a similar situation per say, quite the contrary actually  I find making friends pretty easy but I believe that is often because I am a people pleaser and slightly change my personality in order to fit in depending on the people I am around at the time(e.g making myself quieter or not saying what i am really thinking)

I found in my life, the best friends i have made are the ones that i had to make an effort to find , like walking into a new club or group all by myself, terrified and questioning why i put myself in these situations. I have done it roughly 5 or 6 times in the last few years and never have I once regretted it. You don’t make a best friend every time but you might make 1 new friend or even passing an evening with a bunch of strangers all doing something you love can also help relieve loneliness. 

So advice wise, i would say do more hobbies/ join clubs, meet similar people. I know it may seem cliche but it really does work. I also think it’s easier to do at the start of the year, so maybe like the start of your second year? There is bound to be people attending that also don’t know anyone and they too will be nervous. However, doing it now could also definitely work.

In response to what I said the least time. Learning how social situations work and how to make sure you fit in, looks great from the outside but in reality it is pretty exhausting, trust me! And even in a group of ‘friends’, sometimes that is when you could feel the loneliest 

So as far as advise goes, I’m sorry I don’t have more  but I understood how difficult it must be and i understand how hard it is to live in a world not designed for our brains. 

Why is it you think people look at you with disgust, do they actually make faces?

Also, hope College is going good for you and that your enjoying being a medical student, I can kinda relate, I’m studying biomedical science and so far am loving it!

P.S please let me know if you end up joining a club/ group!!!! 

Hey, 

Apologies for only getting back to you now, college has been extremely hectic lately.

Sorry if I gave the wrong impression in my previous message but I am not in a similar situation per say, quite the contrary actually  I find making friends pretty easy but I believe that is often because I am a people pleaser and slightly change my personality in order to fit in depending on the people I am around at the time(e.g making myself quieter or not saying what i am really thinking)

I found in my life, the best friends i have made are the ones that i had to make an effort to find , like walking into a new club or group all by myself, terrified and questioning why i put myself in these situations. I have done it roughly 5 or 6 times in the last few years and never have I once regretted it. You don’t make a best friend every time but you might make 1 new friend or even passing an evening with a bunch of strangers all doing something you love can also help relieve loneliness. 

So advice wise, i would say do more hobbies/ join clubs, meet similar people. I know it may seem cliche but it really does work. I also think it’s easier to do at the start of the year, so maybe like the start of your second year? There is bound to be people attending that also don’t know anyone and they too will be nervous. However, doing it now could also definitely work.

In response to what I said the least time. Learning how social situations work and how to make sure you fit in, looks great from the outside but in reality it is pretty exhausting, trust me! And even in a group of ‘friends’, sometimes that is when you could feel the loneliest 

So as far as advise goes, I’m sorry I don’t have more  but I understood how difficult it must be and i understand how hard it is to live in a world not designed for our brains. 

Why is it you think people look at you with disgust, do they actually make faces?

Also, hope College is going good for you and that your enjoying being a medical student, I can kinda relate, I’m studying biomedical science and so far am loving it!

P.S please let me know if you end up joining a club/ group!!!!