• Replies 27 replies
  • Subscribers 77 subscribers
  • Views 949 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Driving and Autism

Silver Fox

Dear Autistic friends

I am a neuro typical woman with a partner who very much seems to have ASD, although he will never examine this or go there himself. We have a 14-year-old boy who is not autistic. 

My partner only learnt how to drive after turning 50. He's now 57. He does seem to struggle with the multi tasking required and gets very stressed. I think he especially struggles with judging speed and distance, taking corners too fast, reading road signs, and directions. Omg his stress about where he is heading is through the roof.

The problem is, I find his driving genuinely worrying. I have been driving myself for 40 years. He very much does not want me to express my stress because this makes him more stressed and that just makes it worse. He becomes abusive and shouts at me, telling me to shut up etc. He makes me sit in the back and makes our son navigate for him, then gets stressed when that goes wrong!

Basically this is a family problem. Am I wrong to put his driving problems down to potential ASD? Does anyone here have problems driving and if so what are the challenges? 

  • I think that maybe you underestimated the challenges for a new driver in later life, learning to drive at 50 is really good, even if it is stressful. I didn't learn to drive until I was in my mid 30's, having never been a road user at all, theres so much to learn and none of it is natural, it's a scary process, learning to operate the car is fine, but its the interactions with other people and vehicles that's really difficult. Being a passenger is stressful too, just feeling that little bit of distance is weird, as is not trusting the other driver to do it properly.

    I get stressed if I don't know where I'm going, I don't drive on motorways because I feel herded and chased.

    I sort of feel sorry for your husband, it sounds like he's damned whatever he does. Driving's stressful enough without stressy passengers, how is he when driving on his own?

  • Not all autistic people have challenges driving, in fact, many of us love driving, so I don’t think you can necessarily make a link with ASD based purely on his driving and his stress. 

    Presumably he was able to drive in a safe manner during his driving test. If his driving has deteriorated, it may be prudent for your partner to  consider a visit to his GP to rule out anything else that could be contributing to his poor driving and stress.

  • in reply to Jalapeno

    Hello. Yes we always use a Sat Nav. No I'm not a silent passenger. Generally I'm terrified and shouting things like "slow down" or "you can't go up there it's one-way!" Not sure I understand your point about my son? He's not autistic. Not basing the assumption that my partner is autistic on him at all, more partner's behaviour and the things he struggles with. I agree with you about him needing an assessment. To be honest, I've only just considered his problems with driving might be down to ASD, hence posting here. Thanks for taking the time to get back to me. 

  • ..."especially struggles with judging speed and distance, taking corners too fast, reading road signs, and directions":

    That list of challenges, plus aged 57 ...it might also point to a fresh eye exam required with an optometrist?

  • Surely a Sat Nav or just using Waze on a smart phone is the way to go - can't understand why no one uses them if going to anywhere new.

    I like to drive reasonably fast and have absolutely no problem with sense of direction.  I prefer to be driving rather than a passenger .  I guess you're not a silent passenger - so are your own actions helping or making the situation worse ?

    Being Autistic doesn't guarantee your offspring would be ND so you're son can't be a guide as to whether your partner is Autistic or not

    There could be other things other than potential ASD at play here - and the only way to say its ASD or not is to be assessed - and you can't make them do that.  So seems like you'll never know if they don't wish to go for assessment

  • in reply to Autismman

    Thankyou that's a very honest and useful response and insight

  • I would say I do have a problem with driving, it’s one of those expectations put upon you by family/society which is a problem in its own right and of course you can also put the expectation on yourself. Learning to drive manual was far too stressful for me, multitasking with the pedals, trying to listen to the instructor and staying alert. He would make comments that he didn’t need a radiator because the heat coming off of me was enough. In the end I went automatic and that’s a lot less to worry about because there’s only the two pedals and the gears don’t need changing there’s just “drive” and “reverse”. I never drive too far outside of my comfort zone and am really only comfortable going to familiar places otherwise I do get really overwhelmed and judgemental towards myself which isn’t a happy place to be in. I would suggest letting him go at his own speed ( no pun intended ) when it comes to driving, it would make a huge difference if the pressure was taken off of him by himself to just go at a more manageable pace. There’s no law that anyone must drive, there’s only expectations made either by oneself or others and unless that person is comfortable with that expectation it’s not going to go smoothly. I can relate to multiple occasions when I’ve gotten a little sharp with my tongue while driving and it’s not intentional just an explosion of emotion and stress.