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Driving and Autism

Silver Fox

Dear Autistic friends

I am a neuro typical woman with a partner who very much seems to have ASD, although he will never examine this or go there himself. We have a 14-year-old boy who is not autistic. 

My partner only learnt how to drive after turning 50. He's now 57. He does seem to struggle with the multi tasking required and gets very stressed. I think he especially struggles with judging speed and distance, taking corners too fast, reading road signs, and directions. Omg his stress about where he is heading is through the roof.

The problem is, I find his driving genuinely worrying. I have been driving myself for 40 years. He very much does not want me to express my stress because this makes him more stressed and that just makes it worse. He becomes abusive and shouts at me, telling me to shut up etc. He makes me sit in the back and makes our son navigate for him, then gets stressed when that goes wrong!

Basically this is a family problem. Am I wrong to put his driving problems down to potential ASD? Does anyone here have problems driving and if so what are the challenges? 

Parents

  • I would say I do have a problem with driving, it’s one of those expectations put upon you by family/society which is a problem in its own right and of course you can also put the expectation on yourself. Learning to drive manual was far too stressful for me, multitasking with the pedals, trying to listen to the instructor and staying alert. He would make comments that he didn’t need a radiator because the heat coming off of me was enough. In the end I went automatic and that’s a lot less to worry about because there’s only the two pedals and the gears don’t need changing there’s just “drive” and “reverse”. I never drive too far outside of my comfort zone and am really only comfortable going to familiar places otherwise I do get really overwhelmed and judgemental towards myself which isn’t a happy place to be in. I would suggest letting him go at his own speed ( no pun intended ) when it comes to driving, it would make a huge difference if the pressure was taken off of him by himself to just go at a more manageable pace. There’s no law that anyone must drive, there’s only expectations made either by oneself or others and unless that person is comfortable with that expectation it’s not going to go smoothly. I can relate to multiple occasions when I’ve gotten a little sharp with my tongue while driving and it’s not intentional just an explosion of emotion and stress.

  • in reply to Autismman

    Thankyou that's a very honest and useful response and insight

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