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Driving and Autism

Silver Fox

Dear Autistic friends

I am a neuro typical woman with a partner who very much seems to have ASD, although he will never examine this or go there himself. We have a 14-year-old boy who is not autistic. 

My partner only learnt how to drive after turning 50. He's now 57. He does seem to struggle with the multi tasking required and gets very stressed. I think he especially struggles with judging speed and distance, taking corners too fast, reading road signs, and directions. Omg his stress about where he is heading is through the roof.

The problem is, I find his driving genuinely worrying. I have been driving myself for 40 years. He very much does not want me to express my stress because this makes him more stressed and that just makes it worse. He becomes abusive and shouts at me, telling me to shut up etc. He makes me sit in the back and makes our son navigate for him, then gets stressed when that goes wrong!

Basically this is a family problem. Am I wrong to put his driving problems down to potential ASD? Does anyone here have problems driving and if so what are the challenges? 

Parents

  • I think that maybe you underestimated the challenges for a new driver in later life, learning to drive at 50 is really good, even if it is stressful. I didn't learn to drive until I was in my mid 30's, having never been a road user at all, theres so much to learn and none of it is natural, it's a scary process, learning to operate the car is fine, but its the interactions with other people and vehicles that's really difficult. Being a passenger is stressful too, just feeling that little bit of distance is weird, as is not trusting the other driver to do it properly.

    I get stressed if I don't know where I'm going, I don't drive on motorways because I feel herded and chased.

    I sort of feel sorry for your husband, it sounds like he's damned whatever he does. Driving's stressful enough without stressy passengers, how is he when driving on his own?

Reply

  • I think that maybe you underestimated the challenges for a new driver in later life, learning to drive at 50 is really good, even if it is stressful. I didn't learn to drive until I was in my mid 30's, having never been a road user at all, theres so much to learn and none of it is natural, it's a scary process, learning to operate the car is fine, but its the interactions with other people and vehicles that's really difficult. Being a passenger is stressful too, just feeling that little bit of distance is weird, as is not trusting the other driver to do it properly.

    I get stressed if I don't know where I'm going, I don't drive on motorways because I feel herded and chased.

    I sort of feel sorry for your husband, it sounds like he's damned whatever he does. Driving's stressful enough without stressy passengers, how is he when driving on his own?

Children
  • in reply to TheCatWoman

    Hello. Absolutely no idea what he's like driving alone, I'm not there! Yea I feel sorry for him too. But also for myself as I do find his driving genuinely terrifying. Which it is. I mean, it's dangerous. Only just starting to try to get to the bottom of what the struggles are tbh, hence posting on here. Thanks for getting back to me.