Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi all
I’m Catherine, a recently diagnosed high functioning autistic in the UK.
Sought private diagnosis aged forty two after a sustained period of burnout having always been a bit “other”. I most definitely heavily mask as a senior public facing healthcare professional, trained to put others’ wellbeing at the forefront of my mind.
I’ve just started a new job and wonder if anyone has any experience in how to navigate being autistic and unmasking? I’m an expert in “fitting in” but am desperate not to repeat previous patterns (which ultimately leads to stress, burnout and changing jobs). I have considered whether this career is suitable longer term but there are many aspects I love and a move isn’t an option immediately. As a highly logical female I’m often perceived as brash, a smartarse or insensitive and ideally would like to be more authentic opposed to hiding my intelligence and directness. Does anyone have experience with similar? I absolutely don’t wish to offend anyone but result in losing myself in a bid to please others!
Appreciate any comments or sharing of experiences particularly in relation to managing professional lives.
Catherine
I was a teacher for 32 years and had to quit in part because I couldn't mask anymore. The problem is that this is not an autistic-friendly world. Those of us who have been employed (or in my case was empoyed) have had to mask simply because most jobs are out and about in the real world where we are actively engaged with neurotypicals who often don't (or won't) undertand our respective conditions.
I survived for 32 years partially because I built downtime into my schedule. I gave myself both privacy and time on a daily basis to emotionally rest and to recover from that day's stress. During this time, I would work on a special interest. I also made sure that I get enough sleep.
Since it was hard to sleep during the work week due to my tendency to worry about everything, I typically caught up on my sleep deficit over the weekend by taking nid-day naps.
Hi Catherine
We have tips for coping at work, advice on dealing with bullying in the workplace and what the law says about your rights at work here: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/employment/support-at-work/autistic-adults
This video on disclosing your diagnosis may be of interest: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/professional-practice/disclosing-employment
Many thanks
Sharon Mod
Still haven't found the quote but this is quite good I think...
Hi Catherine and welcome to the forum. What you describe is like looking in a mirror!
Have you sought any reasonable adjustments? If not it might be a good place to start. Do you have an equalities or disability lead where you work as they should be able to help.
Hi Catherine. Hope you find this community as warm and supportive as I have.
Regarding masking, one of the most useful things I've had to take on board since my late in life (forties) diagnosis is that it is reflexive, rather than wilful. I heard an autistic expert on this (a guy called Kieran Rose) give a very needfully nuanced and precise defintion (one he said he still tinkers with all the time as he's still not sure he's captured its full complexity). If I can find the full defintion written out somehwere I'll put it in this thread for you. But I suppose what I'm saying is that you may not be able to wilfully stop masking as such - not in a 'switch it off' kind of way. But you can have greater awareness of when you're more intensely in that mode and of the after-care needed to properly rest and recover (as well as aknowledging to yourself that recovery from those moments may be a long burnout stage that is *vital* rest, and not laziness or unhealthy evasion of the societal 'should's that are easier for so many others)