Published on 12, July, 2020
I've been diagnosed with ADHD for years and OCD for even longer, but despite getting help & medication I'm still struggling. My autistic friends and family think I have a level of autism as well and I'm not sure what to do with that. My autistic best friend said it wasn't as noticeable until I was medicated for the ADHD, but is certain it's a thing for me. Her husband is AuDHD as well, so she's got a good understanding of what it could look like. I'm balancing a lot of stuff, I've got a managerial job, I'm a carer and I've had a lot of "adverse life experiences" over the last few years - not the least with managing the Covid pandemic and months of shielding and losing my entire life and support structure overnight. I'm currently going through titration to try and sort out my ADHD meds a bit better and I'm hovering on the edge of raising it with my ADHD consultant, but I'm not even sure how to start that conversation. I'm waiting on talking therapy from the NHS, but that's taking a long while in coming. I'm really not sure where to go next with anything. Sorry, this seems a rather self-indulgent post, but I think I needed to just get it out there.
First of all don't feel this is a self indulgent post as it is helping other people; me being one of them, so thank you. I was diagnosed with OCD at 16, Depression at 18 for which I was medicated, Anxiety at 26 for which I was medicated, and it wasn't until I was 38 that I was diagnosed with both ADHD and ASD within a few weeks of each other. I fast tracked my diagnosis with the NHS by going through Right To Choose and ended up with one of their providers (Psychiatry UK), having both my ADHD and ASD assessments within a few months of being put on the waiting list, rather than the 18 years and 10 years respectively these diagnoses would have taken based on the current waiting times in Gloucestershire. I went through titration for ADHD medication and after a few months felt that although it had significantly reduced my ADHD symptoms it significantly unmasked my autistic traits, my family and friends started to mention this, and I personally struggled with much higher anxiety, social isolation, lower self-esteem, greater questioning in my head, much greater risk aversion, etc. As this wasn't working I have since worked with the help of my prescriber to come off of the ADHD medication, which was the right step for me personally. I have found that AuDHD is very less well understood and much less discussed than either ASD or ADHD, and as the conditions can mask and effect each other I have found that knowing I have both, and considering how these affect me differently, affect each other, and how treating one impacts the other, has been really helpful in working out what works for me. This was revelatory, as similar to when I realised that neurotypical treatments wouldn't necessarily work for me and that this wasn't my fault and I wasn't broken because of this, I now feel the same when ADHD or ASD treatments or techniques don't work, and instead cast my net wider to look for answers and trial different approaches and blends of different approaches to find what works for me. Hopefully some of this was either of use, or at least helps you feel less like you're the only one experiencing this.