Published on 12, July, 2020
Morning all - this is my first post, probably because I feel I should be able to deal with my childs autism on my own but this morning I am about to crack. Bit of background, my 11 year old was diagnosed with autism last year. She masks at school which means I get the full brunt of it when she returns, That I can sort of cope with as I know it is coming. What I can't cope with is the mornings. I get her and her sister up 1.5 hours before we need to leave to school. Some mornings she wants to get dressed first (with me present the whole time) and other mornings it's breakfast first. I have to constantly remind her to get up, get dressed, stop playing, eat your breakfast, do you teeth which gradually gets her more and more annoyed. I can't leave her to it as she wants me with her all the time. My other daughter is now suffering with the consequences as I cannot be there for her as well. If I could just get my youngest to get herself ready on time without distraction my life would be 80% better and I wouldn't start work everyday feeling like the worst parent in the world. I been on all the parenting courses and i've tried making her morning timetables, using egg timers to give her a set amount of time, I've tried making her laugh, shouting, staying silent, walking away. I even offered her money if she can be dressed by a certain time. Whatever I do is wrong and not what she wants me to do . When I ask what she wants me to do she says she doesn't know. Is there anyone else out there having to deal with this every morning as I can't believe anyone else would be stupid enough to put up with it as much as I do. Sorry if this isn't the right forum for this but I don't know where else to turn.
Hi, I'm sorry to hear you are struggling. I've been in a similar position with my 18 y.o daughter. She is usually good at getting ready but currently is just 'stuck' and can't seem to do it. The things you have tried are amazing already, you really want to help your daughter, both of them.
A few more ideas I have is maybe another timetable/schedule with visuals with times/ a clock on them (if she can tell the time) so she can visually see what needs to happen by this time. To try and equal the time spent with both daughters, maybe you could tell your daughter that once she has completed one step, for example, brushing her teeth, you will be with her for the next step and so on. This means you can spend one step with one daughter, then the next step with the other. That's what I have to do with 3 children, mainly 2 every morning who both need support. Another thing you could try is a reward chart type thing. Once she is completely ready, she can have a reward before school, whether this is TV, a quick game, a special interest, or something to look forward to after school as a reward, this could be the park, a walk, having 1:1 time with you doing an activity, etc.
I hope this helps, sorry if it doesn't but this is what I could think of on the spot. I wish you all the best
Thank you