Is it normal for a guy with ASD to struggle with maintaining communication (e.g. texting, phone calls or even video calls) when dating?

NAS95443 said:

says he often gets quite mentally tired with phone calls or video calls

I would keep the communication light then as this is not uncommon in autists - there is a chance he may have PDA (demand avoidance) which is a common trait and if he is young then communication can be a bit tricky as phone and video calls are getting to be seen as uncool.

I would consider making the few times you do make contact to be when they are most likely to be messing around if this is your concern - if you agree up front to have contact twice a day for example  then target this at a time when he would be indisposed were he playing around.

Thank you for the advice. I feel like I should've clarified a bit better. It's only been a few months that we've been dating and he shows all the typical signs that he likes me (he initiates physical contact a lot and likes to be intimate are just a couple of examples). He is also keen for me to meet his family and has asked about meeting my family soon but he still wants to take things slow and is not quite ready for us to be "official". I've already met a lot of his friends and I'm very aware that he likes a lot of down time to just look at his interests and play video games. I guess I just feel that the behaviour and rationale he has is a little bit off?

Thank you for the advice. I feel like I should've clarified a bit better. It's only been a few months that we've been dating and he shows all the typical signs that he likes me (he initiates physical contact a lot and likes to be intimate are just a couple of examples). He is also keen for me to meet his family and has asked about meeting my family soon but he still wants to take things slow and is not quite ready for us to be "official". I've already met a lot of his friends and I'm very aware that he likes a lot of down time to just look at his interests and play video games. I guess I just feel that the behaviour and rationale he has is a little bit off?

NAS95443 said:

I just feel that the behaviour and rationale he has is a little bit off?

I think it best to have that conversation with him - tell him what you want and expect and ask him to go away, consider it at his leisure and come back to let you know if it is acceptable.

He is quite possibly being a bit selfish in his down time - we all need it as autists but excessive amounts when he has other commitments need to be discussed.

If he feels it is too much to ask then he needs to work that out himself and advocate for his interests.

Direct but not confrontational is the approach to get best results I think. Having regular "check-ins" with him about how he is feeling is worthwhile - often we don't stand up for our needs enough as we don't know how to ask but if you give him a chance on, say, the first of every month to go over stuff then this is where he has the chance to speak up.

I suspect when he mulls it over he will realise that playing games on the computer or quality time with you (even if that is playing computer games) is much more appealing.

Are you neurotypical yourself (ie not autistic, ADHD or bipolar)?