Is it normal for a guy with ASD to struggle with maintaining communication (e.g. texting, phone calls or even video calls) when dating?

I agree with people here on what our 'default' setting is. I am the same. But, relationships are a two way street. If something is important to you then you should feel able to tell them and explain why.

My wife mentioned in my assessment how I never called her when she was away. Now I make an effort to call her to make her feel special, as she knows and understands that it is difficult for me.

You should want to make allowances for them, but they should want to make allowances for you.

One of the main characteristics of autism is having a narrow or singular range of focus, which can involve issues with object permanence, such as in the sense that one particular objective focus (i.e., work, rest or play) will exclude other objectives, activities or pass-times, leaving them as temporary considerations ~ until they come back into the narrow or singular range of focus again, when there is enough energy to do so.

Consider the following Youtube video perhaps:

NAS95443 said:

I just feel that the behaviour and rationale he has is a little bit off?

I think it best to have that conversation with him - tell him what you want and expect and ask him to go away, consider it at his leisure and come back to let you know if it is acceptable.

He is quite possibly being a bit selfish in his down time - we all need it as autists but excessive amounts when he has other commitments need to be discussed.

If he feels it is too much to ask then he needs to work that out himself and advocate for his interests.

Direct but not confrontational is the approach to get best results I think. Having regular "check-ins" with him about how he is feeling is worthwhile - often we don't stand up for our needs enough as we don't know how to ask but if you give him a chance on, say, the first of every month to go over stuff then this is where he has the chance to speak up.

I suspect when he mulls it over he will realise that playing games on the computer or quality time with you (even if that is playing computer games) is much more appealing.

Are you neurotypical yourself (ie not autistic, ADHD or bipolar)?

The answer to your question is I don't think he is struggling with communication, you just have different expectations over what/how much communication should occur.

If I am at work, I am immersed, so it does not occur to me to text anyone to 'check in' and say pointless stuff about how my day is going. I will tell you when I get home, or on our date. Also my employer is paying me to work, which the other person knows, so I would not text, as I would see it being dishonest use of work time. During my breaks I would be eating or rehydrating, on my own or with others, again it would not occur to me to send a (to me) pointless text to say I am having a cup of tea. I do not struggle with this, though I can see it would frustrate someone with different expectations.

I'm with Martin - once I trust the other person and they are a friend, they are friends for life (unless I discover they lie to me). I can go for days, weeks, years without contacting some people and pick up where we left off. I rarely read texts when they come in (I choose when I have energy to read them), as I am living real life not life on my phone.

Sometimes it takes me a couple of days to text back, as I have no energy to stew over the exact wording of a reply which answers your question, deals with all the inferences and nuances you imply but don't explicitly state, keeps my need for honesty but compromises by not wanting to say something you might interpret or infer as offensive or hurtful. There is no tone to a text, the reader adds that themselves, so I tie myself in knots finding the exact words... and the other person interprets it in a different way. That, I do struggle with.

In the psychology of most autistic people relationships, once formed, just are. Autistic people tend to view romantic relationships and friendships as being unchanging. If you are my friend or my lover, you will remain so forever. As a result, the allistic (non autistic) need to constantly maintain relationships is nonsensical to us, and it just does not occur to us to do it, it seems like so much wasted effort. It is a basic mismatch of expectations. On the up side, autistic people tend to be more loyal and trustworthy than most allistics.

Also, autistic people often struggle in making conversation on the phone.

Thank you for the advice. I feel like I should've clarified a bit better. It's only been a few months that we've been dating and he shows all the typical signs that he likes me (he initiates physical contact a lot and likes to be intimate are just a couple of examples). He is also keen for me to meet his family and has asked about meeting my family soon but he still wants to take things slow and is not quite ready for us to be "official". I've already met a lot of his friends and I'm very aware that he likes a lot of down time to just look at his interests and play video games. I guess I just feel that the behaviour and rationale he has is a little bit off?

NAS95443 said:

says he often gets quite mentally tired with phone calls or video calls

I would keep the communication light then as this is not uncommon in autists - there is a chance he may have PDA (demand avoidance) which is a common trait and if he is young then communication can be a bit tricky as phone and video calls are getting to be seen as uncool.

I would consider making the few times you do make contact to be when they are most likely to be messing around if this is your concern - if you agree up front to have contact twice a day for example  then target this at a time when he would be indisposed were he playing around.

Didn’t you already post about this?

I'm not a dude but I think so. I find all communication exhausting, I don't contact my partner unless something urgent needs to be said and rarely reply for texts or calls. I barely use email lol. He struggled with it in the beginning. I also never text or call first as I always forget lol