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newly diagnosed and overthinking

francesca

hi, i'm iona and i'm 17 (but 18 in just under two weeks!!!!)

i'm waiting on my a-level results today which is why i'm still up... but aside from that today (well now tomorrow) i was diagnosed with asd. my assessment started when i was 15 and finished when i just turned 17 through camhs, i didn't receive a diagnosis, but my current team decided to relook at the previous assessment and complete some extra details and came to the conclusion that asd would be a fitting diagnosis.

throughout the first assessment, the whole process felt so awful but now.... i'm more okay with it (i've had years to consider this as a possibility) but of course by being an over-thinker, i'm not okay with the fact that i'm okay with it. i've had a lot of mental health difficulties that led them to consider autism in the first place and now i'm not sure how to understand myself. in many ways it feels like another label that simply states instead of explains if that makes sense. i think the understanding will come, but i just feel so alone in it and i have such difficulty sharing this information (or any more-personal information) with my friends and wider family which ultimately makes me feel more alone.

this is a long winded explanation but honestly i just wondered if anyone had any advice/insight on how to get through this stage, and even any advice on how i can talk to my friends about it without feeling like i'm piling onto them. i'm the person who tries to do anything to make other people more comfortable but i have trouble understanding that they will do the same for me (even when i know rationally that they will). 

this diagnosis does explain so much in my life and why i've found growing up so hard, i'm wondering if it will get easier. i can't help but see this as a burden for those around me... (again, realistically i know that it isn't.... but i can't seem to stop that thought consuming my head.) 

anyway, just feeling lonely and wondering if anyone has any thoughts or advice on this.

i don't know if any of this made any sense, but thanks for reading xo

  • in reply to Fiona
    Fiona said:
    ife doesn't really get easier, we just become more used to it

    i think that's a really good way to look at it. it could be that this diagnosis allows me better access to the things that i need to support me, and that can only be a positive!

  • in reply to Pip

    thanks for the recommendation, i've made a request for it at the library!! my a levels went well which i was not expected but was a massive relief!!

  • in reply to IIWII42

    yeah i think i'm a lot better at that than i ever have been and the majority of people understand, which does really help. hopefully this diagnosis helps me allow myself to take the time and accommodations that i need. Relieved

  • Hi Francesca

    It's not a burden for those around you - they are lucky to know someone like you, as you sound intelligent, caring and thoughtful.

    We all understand loneliness, and we all understand feeling different. You are not alone.

    I know what you mean about the label. Basically, it just tells you "you're different to the majority of other people". You then have to learn about yourself, how you are different and what you need to make your experience of life less difficult. But you can do this.

  • Wow - exam results and autism diagnosis at the same time - that’s a lot to be dealing with right now. You sound so kind and considerate towards your friends and family - which is really lovely. 
    I think if I was in your situation I’d allow things to settle a bit and be sure to give myself plenty of time just to get used to things. Practice some self care and do the things you enjoy and that make you happy - because you’ve had a lot to deal with recently and a bit of rest and self care is probably in order. Give yourself time and space to get used to the idea of your diagnosis yourself before feeling you have to address how other people in your life will react to it. There’s no rush. It can take many years to fully understand ourselves - and an autism diagnosis is just one part of this. Prioritise your well being, and if your friends are true friends I’m sure they’ll be supportive when you feel you are ready to open up to them about things. Good luck !

  • francesca said:
    i'm wondering if it will get easier

    I'm not sure what it's like to know you are autistic so young, my diagnosis was earlier this year when I was 51. But in terms of life - life doesn't really get easier, we just become more used to it, collect more tools and coping mechanisms, and learn what to keep and what needs let go. You're a 'work in progress', like we all are - so we have to keep on progressing. Keep trying things out, challenging ourselves out of our stereotypes or fixed ideas, keep an open mind and try to judge others less than they judge me/us.

    In terms of being a 'burden', every relationship we form brings that feeling at some stage. I have found it best to avoid people in my life who 'take' more from me than they 'give', it has to be roughly equal or it doesn't really work. It's a tough balance, because we don't want to be a burden, but then we enjoy helping each other out, so there has to be some idea of needing help before it can be given. Maybe it comes down to who can we trust with our vulnerability and tell about our needs?

    Good luck. You are not alone.

  • Hi Iona, best of luck for your A-Level results! It can be a very challenging time coming to terms with your experiences no matter how old you are. I recently read a lovely book by Ellie Middleton (unmasked) which talks about her experience of both ADHD and ASD traits, how they display in practice. I found it incredibly useful for understanding myself a bit better. It also has lots of positive messaging which was really lovely to see. I don't have any advice for friends, I'm afraid. My closest friends are all neurodivergent too (or pursuing) so it's a rather open topic of conversation. Though, people at work who I have discussed this with have all been lovely and accepting. 

    While everyone's experience is different, I know that it has become easier for me as I have aged. I've only had 1.5 years since my realisation but it's getting easier all the time, especially as I grow more confident within myself. 

  • in reply to Lestat

    That was perfectly good practical advice. Suitable for the real world. And i emphasize the word 'real', not the fake online world.

    Confidence is king when dealing with NT's. And no, you're never gonna get over being a minority in a NT dominated world.

  • I can definitely identify with your struggles. The only advice I'd offer is to give yourself time to adapt and be kind to yourself. As for the overthinking, I do that too. It can be a torment. The best thing I can do is to give myself a break from it just to be myself, doing the things I enjoy.

  • I would say the most I’ve found with telling people hasn’t been really saying it flat out. It’s been more along the lines of when something is bothering me or I’m feeling confused expressing that; “hey can we turn the lights off, it’s a little to much for me” “I’m not really understanding can you explain a little better” ultimately it’s allowed me to feel better about asking for what I need to make me more comfortable. Sending love Heart️

  • I know what you are going through, cause i was diagnosed as a teen. So you feel so lost and alone? well, that feeling never really goes away

    My advice is dont tell anybody. They dont care about stuff like that. Just try to act competent and confident around people . That's all you need to do.