Published on 12, July, 2020
hi, i'm iona and i'm 17 (but 18 in just under two weeks!!!!)
i'm waiting on my a-level results today which is why i'm still up... but aside from that today (well now tomorrow) i was diagnosed with asd. my assessment started when i was 15 and finished when i just turned 17 through camhs, i didn't receive a diagnosis, but my current team decided to relook at the previous assessment and complete some extra details and came to the conclusion that asd would be a fitting diagnosis.
throughout the first assessment, the whole process felt so awful but now.... i'm more okay with it (i've had years to consider this as a possibility) but of course by being an over-thinker, i'm not okay with the fact that i'm okay with it. i've had a lot of mental health difficulties that led them to consider autism in the first place and now i'm not sure how to understand myself. in many ways it feels like another label that simply states instead of explains if that makes sense. i think the understanding will come, but i just feel so alone in it and i have such difficulty sharing this information (or any more-personal information) with my friends and wider family which ultimately makes me feel more alone.
this is a long winded explanation but honestly i just wondered if anyone had any advice/insight on how to get through this stage, and even any advice on how i can talk to my friends about it without feeling like i'm piling onto them. i'm the person who tries to do anything to make other people more comfortable but i have trouble understanding that they will do the same for me (even when i know rationally that they will).
this diagnosis does explain so much in my life and why i've found growing up so hard, i'm wondering if it will get easier. i can't help but see this as a burden for those around me... (again, realistically i know that it isn't.... but i can't seem to stop that thought consuming my head.)
anyway, just feeling lonely and wondering if anyone has any thoughts or advice on this.
i don't know if any of this made any sense, but thanks for reading xo
Hi Iona, best of luck for your A-Level results! It can be a very challenging time coming to terms with your experiences no matter how old you are. I recently read a lovely book by Ellie Middleton (unmasked) which talks about her experience of both ADHD and ASD traits, how they display in practice. I found it incredibly useful for understanding myself a bit better. It also has lots of positive messaging which was really lovely to see. I don't have any advice for friends, I'm afraid. My closest friends are all neurodivergent too (or pursuing) so it's a rather open topic of conversation. Though, people at work who I have discussed this with have all been lovely and accepting. While everyone's experience is different, I know that it has become easier for me as I have aged. I've only had 1.5 years since my realisation but it's getting easier all the time, especially as I grow more confident within myself.
thanks for the recommendation, i've made a request for it at the library!! my a levels went well which i was not expected but was a massive relief!!