Published on 12, July, 2020
hi, i'm iona and i'm 17 (but 18 in just under two weeks!!!!)
i'm waiting on my a-level results today which is why i'm still up... but aside from that today (well now tomorrow) i was diagnosed with asd. my assessment started when i was 15 and finished when i just turned 17 through camhs, i didn't receive a diagnosis, but my current team decided to relook at the previous assessment and complete some extra details and came to the conclusion that asd would be a fitting diagnosis.
throughout the first assessment, the whole process felt so awful but now.... i'm more okay with it (i've had years to consider this as a possibility) but of course by being an over-thinker, i'm not okay with the fact that i'm okay with it. i've had a lot of mental health difficulties that led them to consider autism in the first place and now i'm not sure how to understand myself. in many ways it feels like another label that simply states instead of explains if that makes sense. i think the understanding will come, but i just feel so alone in it and i have such difficulty sharing this information (or any more-personal information) with my friends and wider family which ultimately makes me feel more alone.
this is a long winded explanation but honestly i just wondered if anyone had any advice/insight on how to get through this stage, and even any advice on how i can talk to my friends about it without feeling like i'm piling onto them. i'm the person who tries to do anything to make other people more comfortable but i have trouble understanding that they will do the same for me (even when i know rationally that they will).
this diagnosis does explain so much in my life and why i've found growing up so hard, i'm wondering if it will get easier. i can't help but see this as a burden for those around me... (again, realistically i know that it isn't.... but i can't seem to stop that thought consuming my head.)
anyway, just feeling lonely and wondering if anyone has any thoughts or advice on this.
i don't know if any of this made any sense, but thanks for reading xo
I would say the most I’ve found with telling people hasn’t been really saying it flat out. It’s been more along the lines of when something is bothering me or I’m feeling confused expressing that; “hey can we turn the lights off, it’s a little to much for me” “I’m not really understanding can you explain a little better” ultimately it’s allowed me to feel better about asking for what I need to make me more comfortable. Sending love ️
yeah i think i'm a lot better at that than i ever have been and the majority of people understand, which does really help. hopefully this diagnosis helps me allow myself to take the time and accommodations that i need.