Published on 12, July, 2020
hi, i'm iona and i'm 17 (but 18 in just under two weeks!!!!)
i'm waiting on my a-level results today which is why i'm still up... but aside from that today (well now tomorrow) i was diagnosed with asd. my assessment started when i was 15 and finished when i just turned 17 through camhs, i didn't receive a diagnosis, but my current team decided to relook at the previous assessment and complete some extra details and came to the conclusion that asd would be a fitting diagnosis.
throughout the first assessment, the whole process felt so awful but now.... i'm more okay with it (i've had years to consider this as a possibility) but of course by being an over-thinker, i'm not okay with the fact that i'm okay with it. i've had a lot of mental health difficulties that led them to consider autism in the first place and now i'm not sure how to understand myself. in many ways it feels like another label that simply states instead of explains if that makes sense. i think the understanding will come, but i just feel so alone in it and i have such difficulty sharing this information (or any more-personal information) with my friends and wider family which ultimately makes me feel more alone.
this is a long winded explanation but honestly i just wondered if anyone had any advice/insight on how to get through this stage, and even any advice on how i can talk to my friends about it without feeling like i'm piling onto them. i'm the person who tries to do anything to make other people more comfortable but i have trouble understanding that they will do the same for me (even when i know rationally that they will).
this diagnosis does explain so much in my life and why i've found growing up so hard, i'm wondering if it will get easier. i can't help but see this as a burden for those around me... (again, realistically i know that it isn't.... but i can't seem to stop that thought consuming my head.)
anyway, just feeling lonely and wondering if anyone has any thoughts or advice on this.
i don't know if any of this made any sense, but thanks for reading xo
Wow - exam results and autism diagnosis at the same time - that’s a lot to be dealing with right now. You sound so kind and considerate towards your friends and family - which is really lovely. I think if I was in your situation I’d allow things to settle a bit and be sure to give myself plenty of time just to get used to things. Practice some self care and do the things you enjoy and that make you happy - because you’ve had a lot to deal with recently and a bit of rest and self care is probably in order. Give yourself time and space to get used to the idea of your diagnosis yourself before feeling you have to address how other people in your life will react to it. There’s no rush. It can take many years to fully understand ourselves - and an autism diagnosis is just one part of this. Prioritise your well being, and if your friends are true friends I’m sure they’ll be supportive when you feel you are ready to open up to them about things. Good luck !