Published on 12, July, 2020
hi, i'm iona and i'm 17 (but 18 in just under two weeks!!!!)
i'm waiting on my a-level results today which is why i'm still up... but aside from that today (well now tomorrow) i was diagnosed with asd. my assessment started when i was 15 and finished when i just turned 17 through camhs, i didn't receive a diagnosis, but my current team decided to relook at the previous assessment and complete some extra details and came to the conclusion that asd would be a fitting diagnosis.
throughout the first assessment, the whole process felt so awful but now.... i'm more okay with it (i've had years to consider this as a possibility) but of course by being an over-thinker, i'm not okay with the fact that i'm okay with it. i've had a lot of mental health difficulties that led them to consider autism in the first place and now i'm not sure how to understand myself. in many ways it feels like another label that simply states instead of explains if that makes sense. i think the understanding will come, but i just feel so alone in it and i have such difficulty sharing this information (or any more-personal information) with my friends and wider family which ultimately makes me feel more alone.
this is a long winded explanation but honestly i just wondered if anyone had any advice/insight on how to get through this stage, and even any advice on how i can talk to my friends about it without feeling like i'm piling onto them. i'm the person who tries to do anything to make other people more comfortable but i have trouble understanding that they will do the same for me (even when i know rationally that they will).
this diagnosis does explain so much in my life and why i've found growing up so hard, i'm wondering if it will get easier. i can't help but see this as a burden for those around me... (again, realistically i know that it isn't.... but i can't seem to stop that thought consuming my head.)
anyway, just feeling lonely and wondering if anyone has any thoughts or advice on this.
i don't know if any of this made any sense, but thanks for reading xo
francesca said: i'm wondering if it will get easier
I'm not sure what it's like to know you are autistic so young, my diagnosis was earlier this year when I was 51. But in terms of life - life doesn't really get easier, we just become more used to it, collect more tools and coping mechanisms, and learn what to keep and what needs let go. You're a 'work in progress', like we all are - so we have to keep on progressing. Keep trying things out, challenging ourselves out of our stereotypes or fixed ideas, keep an open mind and try to judge others less than they judge me/us.
In terms of being a 'burden', every relationship we form brings that feeling at some stage. I have found it best to avoid people in my life who 'take' more from me than they 'give', it has to be roughly equal or it doesn't really work. It's a tough balance, because we don't want to be a burden, but then we enjoy helping each other out, so there has to be some idea of needing help before it can be given. Maybe it comes down to who can we trust with our vulnerability and tell about our needs?
Good luck. You are not alone.
Fiona said:ife doesn't really get easier, we just become more used to it
i think that's a really good way to look at it. it could be that this diagnosis allows me better access to the things that i need to support me, and that can only be a positive!