Published on 12, July, 2020
I know this might sound ‘insignificant’ in the grand scheme of life’s problems but I really need some advice. My daughter is autistic and ADHD and had always been on holidays abroad with us. About 2 years ago she decided she didn’t want to come anymore and stayed with the MIL (she’s 15). However, the MIL cannot cope very well with her autistic needs and has refused to have her again. We really want her to come away with us and have tried to iron out all the triggers I.e. having her own room, making strict plans for the days, no spontaneous activities, going somewhere familiar etc but she is still refusing. Me and my husband both work full time and with all of my daughter and sons activities we are out the house 7 days a week. We do not have any time for a weekend away or even a day out because of their commitments. We are exhausted! We have zero family help too, so cannot even have a night out. A holiday (1 week) per year is the only time we get to relax! She doesn’t want to miss out on her weekly activities and I think that’s why she won’t go. My point is, what do I do? I feel like we’re working all week for nothing! She and her brother get to do all of their activities yet me and my husband can’t even have a weekend away or even an afternoon out! How can we never go on holiday again? What about the implications of that for my son? He loves to go on holiday! I’m so stuck! I don’t want to upset her but I’m desperate to have some chill time! She won’t even consider going away in this country! Please please don’t judge me! I just wanted some advice.
When my son was young we went on holiday, but never abroad. He coped with this experience although travelling was always a challenge. As he got older he found it more and more difficult even going back to a familiar place. We stopped going away for a while until he asked again, but he still found the experience difficult. We have no one he would be happy to stay with. For now we do what we can to relax, so whilst he was at school I took leave from work to go for day trips. I understand his difficulty as I have always found being away from home difficult, but have managed the experience. There are things I would like to do and places I would like to visit, but for now I remember the holidays I did enjoy.
Would it be an option for one of you to go away with your son or for him to go on an organized holiday with other people if his age?
You say you only have one week off a year. Is it possible to change that to odd days during school time when you could both take a day off to go somewhere together?
If you are getting exhausted and not having enough time to relax, are you able to change your working pattern at all?