Published on 12, July, 2020
I know this might sound ‘insignificant’ in the grand scheme of life’s problems but I really need some advice. My daughter is autistic and ADHD and had always been on holidays abroad with us. About 2 years ago she decided she didn’t want to come anymore and stayed with the MIL (she’s 15). However, the MIL cannot cope very well with her autistic needs and has refused to have her again. We really want her to come away with us and have tried to iron out all the triggers I.e. having her own room, making strict plans for the days, no spontaneous activities, going somewhere familiar etc but she is still refusing. Me and my husband both work full time and with all of my daughter and sons activities we are out the house 7 days a week. We do not have any time for a weekend away or even a day out because of their commitments. We are exhausted! We have zero family help too, so cannot even have a night out. A holiday (1 week) per year is the only time we get to relax! She doesn’t want to miss out on her weekly activities and I think that’s why she won’t go. My point is, what do I do? I feel like we’re working all week for nothing! She and her brother get to do all of their activities yet me and my husband can’t even have a weekend away or even an afternoon out! How can we never go on holiday again? What about the implications of that for my son? He loves to go on holiday! I’m so stuck! I don’t want to upset her but I’m desperate to have some chill time! She won’t even consider going away in this country! Please please don’t judge me! I just wanted some advice.
I was an autistic teen once and I hated holidays. My lovely parents essentially forced me to go a holiday with them at 18. So this thread is pretty triggering for me.But your daughter is an individual and I don't know her needs. I take it she wouldn't be able to look after herself for a weekend? Actually I'm not sure that would be even legal these days. But when I was that age I looked at my NT friends being allowed to do stuff that I was not allowed to do and felt the worst pain imaginable. I'm now 42 and I can still feel the pain I felt then and still resent my parents for it.